:: Idle Neurosis ::

:: Saturday, February 28, 2004 ::

well, i've got some time to kill. some jackass has parked in front of the driveway to my apartment complex, inhibiting me from leaving the 700 block of Franklin Ave. who's dumb enough to park in front of a driveway, seriously? fuckin dipshits. i have no sympathy for the money they will have to pay when Joe's Towing comes and excavates their ass. it is acts like this that make me realize why there are only a few people on the list. i want to move to new zealand. let's go meet pete there soon, k stella's?

some food for thought...

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."~Joseph Cambell

"To one visitor in the early 1960's he said: 'I like to sit and think and write my thoughts. the few people who have seen my work find it too deep for them.' he then pointed proudly to a pair of trousers hanging on the wall by a nail, 'i crocheted these out of string,' he said. 'it took me a long while because i didn't ahve a pattern. i had to keep trying them on'."~ From the obituary of Earl Russell in The Daily Telegraph, December 18, 1987

"For us to live and die properly, things have to be named properly. Let us reclaim our words."~John Berger

"Smoke falls. Things are created in the violence of fire."~ Martin Amis

"as for myself, i am always forgetting
what it was i wasn't going to write about
what i wasn't going to say again"
~Catherine Hunter

album to purchase: The Weakerthans; Reconstruction Site

well, Joe is here and he is about to get his tow on. i'm giving my liver a quasi~rest this weekend. so i'm off to go prepare for the upcoming week of hell, aka midterms, in which i shall not exist. as for the owner of the white grand am who decided they were god and could park wherever the hell they wanted: karma is a bitch.

you whisper your arrival walking backwards to the door.

stellar lady:: Anonymous 9:21 PM [+] ::
...

i will not fall in love with The Darkness....i refuse to...i still have nightmares about my brother singing the high-notes on that one horrible horrible song...


walking in slow motion
an unfamilar rhythm
who the hell am i?

i'm invisible
lost between the us and I
recreating me

red gatorade sucks
a diet based on liquid
i'm not satisfied

hehehehe






stellar lady:: naughti 4:29 PM [+] ::
...

ok, why i am making time to post? don't i have a pile of shit i need to complete for my classes? and an 8am tomorrow? didnt i start one of my posts with a question a couple of days ago? ok, i think i'm done.

well, my new obession. it would be writing haikus. my friend J got me started on this kick. it is so much fun! and distracting actually...i'll sit in class and words in the format of 5/7/5 just roll out of my head. i may not be paying much attention in class or gettin much homework done, but atleast i'm not a cokehead.

~~~
put a ban on it
it plagues my generation
insecurity
~~~

strumming the D chord
acoustic version of us
put the guitar down
~~~

the sideward glances
just building up the courage
but you breathe and choke
~~~

paintings on the wall
there were records everywhere
i told you goodbye
~~~

throw your looks my way
chew your words, taste like gravel
retaliation
~~~

to my ladies....nik, hope all is well~ i will call you soon! nadia...feel better!

why i sucked at life today:
1. spilled water allllll over myself
2. slipped and fell on ice while holding a heavy box of vases.
3. broke a vase in my hand and cut my finger.

i suppose today was just one of those days.

band to check out: The Darkness...nadia/nik...dont worry...i'll burn you a copy and you'll fall for these d00ds, i promise!

love on the rocks with no ice.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 12:05 AM [+] ::
...

why today sucked:
-i threw up over 6 times
-i'm living off of gatorade and saltines
-missed our last hockey game
-missed my tutoring sessions
-im so weak my cup feels heavy to me
-i haven't left the house
-blurred vision
-hunger
-fucking fruit punch gatorade and saltines

i know i scare you...it must be my smile that intimidates your punk-ass


stellar lady:: naughti 9:34 PM [+] ::
...

update: shirley is alive and well! armando is the king of cars.

what happens when you drink margaritas at a steady pace from 6 till about 10?

you're in bed by 10:30. up by 8 am. boy do i feel refreshed this morning!

what's this i hear about the water in the burbs?

currently listening to: the new incubus....so....so fucking....so fucking good. they are demi-gods.

i hate to say
so much more...
you're so much more
endearing
with the sounds turned off.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 10:17 AM [+] ::
...

i think the difference between us and most people is that we will never allow ourselves to be unhappy. we have the ability to find beauty is everything and everyone...we don't surround ourselves with negativity...we are the type of people who don't need a lot of cash in our pockets instead all we need are good people to find comfort in....

highlight of the evening: making my mom laugh so hard she got sick.
reality-check of the day: officer webster (old friend of mine) planning out the rest of my life for me...appareantly i'm meant to be a rockstar...
low-point of the week: peeete leaving for new zealand
hot date of the week: oh that's right it wasn't a date...mikey...i bought my own mocha!

you're perfectly flawed


stellar lady:: naughti 12:55 AM [+] ::
...

i spoke too soon...

shirley is dead!

i'm off to work my spanish at Armando's and hopefully revive her back to life.

shirley come back!
stellar lady:: Anonymous 11:42 AM [+] ::
...

what? it's february already? i could have sworn that it was november only a few days ago.

classes have been keeping me busy. so if i've been out of contact please do not take it personally. i wake up in the morning and before i know it it's 12:30 at night and i havent even accomplished the shit i need to get done for the next day. time is a tricky fucker. man...if i ever meet Time i'm going to have to have a few words with him.

so, i'm not doin too well on posting here and coming up with some really cool anecdotes to share. i don't know what's going on. where am i? what am i doing in this city? that last question has been going through my mind a lot lately. not that i am unhappy here in blormal. but let me tell ya, i will sure as hell be happy to move elsewhere, ie; chicago than be a resident of bloomington-normal...especially forever.

let me break it down for ya. college is great. i'm having the time of my life. i am probably in the best place in my life so far right now. not that everything is perfect. of course not. it never happens that way. but just with everything that i've gone through and everything i've dealt with and worked through has made me very strong. and i'm very happy with my family, friends, my relationship, work, and myself/life in general. of course there are the bumps in the road with school, friends i wish i could see more...etc. but all is well. and i'm grateful for everything i've gone through. college is great.

but i am not going to be one of those numerous amounts of people who have said to me the exact line verbatum: "enjoy college while you can, it's the best part of your life." you see, i never want to be stuck in that mindset. NEVER. to me, these people are living in a constant misery wishing they could go back to the way things were because "those were the good times" and "that's when life was fun and easy." but you see, life is what you make of it. if they are unhappy with where they are in life, they need to do something about it. i refuse to be someone in the future who is constantly dwelling on the past and the "good old times." sure, nostalgia is a wonderful thing and it will be great to look back and laugh and smile upon the memories i am currently making. but i am making my future. and i firmly believe that life gets better after college. is it going to be easy? fuck no. perhaps that's the mistake all of these 'stuck in college' mindset adults made. there is a lot more responsibility and availability for problems to arise. that is part of growing up. i think these types of people are the ones who just want to take the easy way out and secretly wish they could still leech off their parents and not have a care in the world.

being a 'grown up' persay does not mean that your life is drained of vitality and excitement. it will only be that way if you create that life for yourself. i'm looking forward to having a career that i enjoy, finding a significant other, starting a family, and all that blah blah blahness that i'm sure you're silently mocking me for right now. and maybe i'm just a romantic idiot who's perspective is a by-product of western culture; but i don't think so. these are the things i want. many people think this is what they have to do and follow the path that the media has designated as the norm, and they are unhappy. but the examples i listed are things that i want. it's not going to be easy. life is never easy. but you learn from the challenges and you grow up. it can either be a painful experience or a enlightening one. choose your perspective.

so i firmly believe that life gets even better after college. trust me, this is awesome. i love being a college student. but people who think that college life is the be all end all of enjoyment in their lives are setting themselves up for a miserable life. i am not going to be one of those people.

and one more thing. living permanently in a college town? it's not for me. i will be very surprised if i end up living in blormal or in a college town once i start a career. if fact, if i do, please come get me and smash a bottle of logic upside my head. i would have to have a pretty damn good excuse for that. i just can't live in a place where over half of the town's population will forver remain between the ages of 18-22. let me tell ya. we college kids are punk asses. i wouldnt want to grow up across the street from me and my neighbors.

well, i guess that was little story time for ya. i hope that it holds you over for awhile. i dont know when i'm going to be back. valentines day is coming up. so needless to say i'll be slaving at work. fucking hallmark holidays.

currently feeling: content
this weekend: a possible love festival? if you haven't experienced this yet, you must get your booty to blormal
currently reading: well, still the best american non-required readings. and still need to finish reading vonnegut's short stories. oh, and my required readings for my classes. i should get on that.
in the cdplayer: Damien Rice; the blower's daughter

can't take my eyes off of you.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 10:49 AM [+] ::
...