:: Idle Neurosis ::

:: Thursday, December 23, 2004 ::

You kill me.

You've got some nerve but can't face your mistakes.


I know what i should do but i just can't walk away...





stellar lady:: Anonymous 9:34 AM [+] ::
...

life is easier with your eyes closed.



stellar lady:: naughti 10:09 PM [+] ::
...

life goes easy on me...most of the time.

>//
stellar lady:: Anonymous 2:57 PM [+] ::
...

don't believe the bullshit that they are trying to feed you.

watch the documentary OUTFOXED. do it for your own health, for fuckssake.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 4:57 PM [+] ::
...

perhaps they love us more than us them
unlike the archetypal mold, we are more than the ordinary
they can't help but fall for us
perhaps they are all just homosexuals who desire us because in a way we emulate what they are supposed to be--strong, powerful, and full of drive
perhaps it gives them leeway to lag behind, bathing in our success
we are in drive, while they remain in neutral
perhaps that is all that is necessary for them
as society jerks them up, our engines are running and our tires are slashed
the same ones that love us are the ones that hold us down, strange how we still find the strength to love them back.

*2/3 of poverished adults are women



stellar lady:: naughti 8:10 PM [+] ::
...

well, here we go. our fears are being fulfilled. it starts here. let the U.S.'s trip down the world's proverbial shitter begin. think there's a hidden agenda by the crazy right-wing bush administration? you better believe it.

if i had my way
we'd all dress in black
and daddy would serve up the white meat
cause genocide is nothing to celebrate,
extinction doesn't deserve a parade.


stellar lady:: Anonymous 7:41 PM [+] ::
...

so sorry everybody.


stellar lady:: Anonymous 1:55 PM [+] ::
...

~some quotes are timeless...

"when i think of the sacrifice yet to be offered and the hearts and homes yet to be made desolate before this dreadful war is over, my heart is like lead within me, and i feel at times like hiding in a deep darkness."
~
*
~

"writing, the art of communicating thoughts to the mind through the eye, is the great invention of the world...enabling us to converse with the dead, the absent, and the unborn, at all distances of time and space."
~
*
~

...both by abe lincoln.


stellar lady:: Anonymous 2:12 PM [+] ::
...

i'm tired of being tethered to this college town.
normal.
what is normal these days?
i'm tired of school.
i want my life back.
i want to be in chicago.
i want to go on adventures daily.
fearing the corporate world...
can i really sit behind a desk all day?
in the end, do you get what you've been working for?
i need some more spice...
...more refreshing people in my day-to-day bump and grind.
the human race can kind of be disappointing sometimes.
people meet all the time and they might as well be wallpaper to eachother.
i am grateful for the amazing people in my life.
i know now more than ever that they are few and far between.
i want to go back to europe.
i want to be healthy again.
i feel as though i've been sick this entire semester.
i seem to be mastering the "I" statements, no?
feeling nauseous.
that is a hard word to spell.
always tired...
always having "a case of the mondays"
normal makes me feel kinda crazy;
the curse of the ill-defined.
this internal sense of disaster.
i feel like i'm not really here at all.
crawling out of my skin; unglued.
why do i feel like my head is going to blow off?
i wish there were rules for stuff like this.
love is one of the riskiest things in the world.
it scares the shit out of me sometimes.
does love accomodate to whatever shape is required?
bittersweet and beautiful; in a way i cannot define.
molecules stumbling. my compass going haywire.
let's drink to the demise of talent.

the light at the end of the tunnel is there. it's dim and far and i can barely make it out, but i know it's there.

~*~


stellar lady:: Anonymous 1:47 AM [+] ::
...

all this pressure must be good for something...

but...
stellar lady:: Anonymous 1:54 AM [+] ::
...

A Plea from a Cat Named Virtue

why don't you ever want to play?
I'm tired of this piece of string.
you sleep as much as i do now
and you don't eat much of anything
I don't know who you're talking to,
I made a search through every room
but all I found was dust that moves
and shadows of the afternoon.

And listen, about those bitter songs you sing,
They're not helping anything.
They won't make you strong.

So we should open up the house,
invite the tabby two doors down,
you could ask your sister if
she doesn't bring her basset hound.
As for things you shouldn't miss,
tape his and the modern man,
Cold war and card catalogs,
to come and join us if they can.

For girly drinks and parlor games.
Pass around the easy lie.
of absolutely no regret
and later maybe you could try
to let your losses dangle off
the sharp edge of the century
we could talk about the weather or
how the weather used to be.

And i'll cater
with all the birds that i can kill
let their tiny feathers fill
dissapointment
lie down
and lick the sorrow from your skin
scratch the terror and begin
to believe your strong

All you ever wanna do is
drink and watch TV
and frankly that thing doesn't really interest me.
I swear I'm gonna bite you hard
and taste your tinny blood
if you don't stop the self-defeating lies you've been repeating since the day you brought me home
I know you're strong.


~tHE wEAKERTHANS
stellar lady:: Anonymous 11:17 PM [+] ::
...

jon stewart should run for president. i would vote for him. watch him here battle those jackasses from crossfire. watch him work; armed with well-articulated, intelligent arguements, all while putting those self-rightous pompous assholes in their place...or atleast attempting to without being rudely interrupted by them. although jon stewart's The Daily Show is a comedy and not a 'real' newssource; don't be fooled... he is a well-informed and extremely knowledgeable man. i feel much more at ease knowing that there are people like him out there calling the media out on the bullshit that they are trying to feeding us. all our supposedly 'legitimate' televison news sources are for people who like their food prechewed.

fuck fox news. and bill o'reily? he's a right-wing piece of shit. fuck him, his 'book', and the corporations he rode in on.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 1:02 PM [+] ::
...

Show me forgiveness
for having lost faith in myself
and let my own interior up
to inferior forces
the shame is endless
but if soon start forgiveness
the girl might live

buythisalbum: MedUlla by Bjork

almost there...

I'm elastic for you
but enough is enough



~/~
stellar lady:: Anonymous 1:18 AM [+] ::
...

fate isn't what we're up against
there's no design, no flaws to find.

But I learned fast how to keep my head up 'cause I
know I got this side of me that
wants to grab the yoke from the pilot and just
fly the whole mess into the sea.



modern thought can get the best of you.






stellar lady:: Anonymous 10:33 PM [+] ::
...

all of my clothes feel like somebody's old throw-aways



stellar lady:: naughti 7:45 PM [+] ::
...

How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd
~Alexander Pope

stellar lady:: Anonymous 3:17 PM [+] ::
...

I'll be in the back room drinking my half of the beer...



You're at you best when you got the guns turned 180 degress.



stellar lady:: Anonymous 11:04 PM [+] ::
...

So if i just exist for the next ten minutes,

that would be fine.



stellar lady:: Anonymous 3:04 PM [+] ::
...

i surrender the future that is unknown
i surrender to the butterflies in my stomach and to uncertainty
i surrender to today, to now
i surrender to feeling uncomfortable
i surrender to you

-unknown

stellar lady:: naughti 9:06 PM [+] ::
...

Mr. Vonnegut, i applaud you and your thoughts.

everyone, please, educate yourself. inform yourself on the opposing viewpoint. go register to vote. and actually VOTE when november rolls around.

Apathy is the death of democracy.

~*~
stellar lady:: Anonymous 7:13 PM [+] ::
...

Two questions for ya:

1. should you do something just because you are relatively very good at it?

2. what is the most important thing a person can do with his or her life?

*i'm so far down the highway and i'm leaving this mess behind me*
stellar lady:: Anonymous 4:02 PM [+] ::
...

may you always find happiness in the place you chose to be. mentally, physically, and spiritually.

stellar lady:: naughti 3:19 PM [+] ::
...

~
i am here to be different,
to be full-grown and woman.
not girl rattled with questions
but a woman
ready to make new work
and find new answers.
i am a woman who has danced on bars
and rested her head in grant park
like the rest of them.
i am a woman who puts on her future
when she wakes up in his arms
and decisions.
I am a woman who wants
to fall in love
with her work
the way men do.
the way they put it first
and me second.
~

check in with the radio station of your mind.
what station is it on?
~*~

stellar lady:: Anonymous 1:51 AM [+] ::
...

i am aching for the hard pavement agianst the soles of my feet
yet
i stay still
for you

stellar lady:: naughti 10:14 PM [+] ::
...

~*~
Admitting today:
~
i am a woman who wants to only weigh 123 pounds and sometimes thinks that could be the answer.
i am a woman who likes her stomach flat and wants to seem like it doesnt matter all that much.
i am a woman who wants to make powerful art of this world.
i am a woman who can feel lonely at the most unexpected times and sometimes i can't ask directly or tell you how upset i really feel and i hope i'll grow out of it.
i am a woman who sometimes forgets about poetry and reading in the shade.
~
SWH
~*~


"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
~Joseph Campbell
stellar lady:: Anonymous 1:06 AM [+] ::
...

i stay still
for you


stellar lady:: naughti 5:15 PM [+] ::
...

~*~

You make your plans....

You make your plans.....

You make your plans and then...a great wind comes along.

You make your plans and then a great wind comes along and you begin again.
~*~

currently reading: Messy Thrilling Life by Sabrina
inthecdplayer: Jimmy Eat World; Night Drive

hit me, i can take your cheap shot
stellar lady:: Anonymous 1:52 PM [+] ::
...

here is one more...

"What I hold like a tool, in the hands of someone who knows how to use it,
is that difficulties in life are what make it interesting to live."



~*~
>s//



stellar lady:: Anonymous 9:17 PM [+] ::
...

~i found this from one of my friends on myspace...
~*~*~*

If the World was a Village of 100 People
If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look something like the following.

There would be:

57 Asians

21 Europeans

14 from the Western Hemisphere, both North and South America

8 Africans

52 would be female

48 would be male

70 would be non-white

30 would be white

70 would be non-Christian

30 would be Christian

89 would be heterosexual

11 would be homosexual

6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth;
all 6 would be from the United States.

80 would live in substandard housing

70 would be unable to read

50 would suffer from malnutrition

1 would be near death; 1 would be near birth

1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education

1 would own a computer
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When one considers our world from such a compressed perspective, the need for acceptance, understanding and education becomes glaringly apparent.
~*~*~*~*
stellar lady:: Anonymous 5:38 PM [+] ::
...

“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness – all foes to real understanding. Likewise, tolerance or broad, wholesome charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in our little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime.” - Mark Twain
stellar lady:: Anonymous 11:43 PM [+] ::
...

~*GaRdEN STaTe~*...you must go see!~! words can't describe how amazing it is...Zach Braff beyond personifies the word TaLEnT. He is a true inspiration...and quite good-lookin at that hehe. i've really only had one celebrity crush...and that has been Brandon Boyd. I am adding Zach to my list now. pure genious.

oooohhh and the soundtrack!~! you gotta hear these songs, they will change your life i promise you... ;)

i'm off to go study...but at least i'm going to a park with a lake. it will make the task a bit more bareable. this is going to be one hell of a semester...

inthecdplayer: GArden StAte Soudntrack: Such Great Heights by Iron&Wine(an acoustic version of the song written by the Postal Service)

i am thinking it's a sign
that the freckles in our eyes
are mirror images
and when we kiss
they're perfectly aligned
stellar lady:: Anonymous 1:29 PM [+] ::
...

"Life doesn't get resolved. Resistance, interruptions, and fear are as valid as understanding, flow, and joy. There isn't any difference. It is all a continuum."~Jennifer Louden

take your time. take it slow. when you get overwhelmed, stop.

Life interrupts. Life is supposed to interrupt. don't expect it to be any different.

currently reading: the devil wears prada by lauren weisberger
artist to check out: Stephanie Dosen; ghosts, mice & vagabonds
music on the brain: S.C.I.E.N.C.E; Incubus(i finally found this album while cleaning my room!~!)
movie to see: Garden State..i'm seeing it tomorrow :)


“The only real miracle is to stand still.”
~Henry Miller

~*~*~*~
stellar lady:: Anonymous 4:09 PM [+] ::
...

amazing that the summer has come to an end. it was crazy, tiring, alive all mixed up in one. i have never spent so much time with nik as i did this summer and i blessed to have done so. when we are together chicago is hit by surprise....so many memories in such a small amount of time. the city never looked so beautiful as it did with you sitting beside me....until next time. sam...geez...as absent as u were this summer...and i blame no one but paul for that, you came and destroyed chicago on your 21st. there are things we are always discovering about one another, such as you being a lesbian (j/k), and we will continue to learn. one month till the big test day...i'm glad we got an early start..hehe ;) one thing did make me sad and it was that we all didn't spend enough time together. we couldn't even remember when we were all together before may...and we are all busy but this is our last year and we have to live it up. love you guys...and sorry for getting a bit sentimental...kisses.


stellar lady:: naughti 11:47 AM [+] ::
...

So i'm reading this really good book. you should check it out. it's called the curious incident of the dog in the night-time by mark haddon. the main character christopher rules. he detests the collor yellow. here are some quotes from his detective story that he is compiling...

~Christopher does not like to 'chat' because 'chatting' is "where people say things to eachother which aren't questions and answers and aren't connected."
~Christopher doesn't let the past affect him because he "would be feeling sad about something that isn't real and doesn't exist. And that would be stupid."
~When thinking about the murder of the dog on his street he recalls a quote...

"Entia non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem."

which is latin and it means

"No more things should be presumed to exist than are absolutely necessary"

Christopher then concludes that "a murder victim is usually killed by someone known to them and fairies are made out of paper and you can't talk to someone who is dead."
*****
Christopher is an enjoyable/loveable character, even with all of his quirks(ie;not liking to be touched, not likeing yellow or brown things and refusing to touch yellow or brown things, refusing to use his toothbrush if anyone else has touched it, not eating food if different sorts of food are touching eachother, hating france, and getting cross when someone has rearranged the furniture.)

check this book out.

our senior year is right around the corner fashion plates...

musiconthebrain: Yeah Yeah Yeahs; Maps

Wait, they don't love you like i love you
stellar lady:: Anonymous 7:42 PM [+] ::
...

"Live large my friends. Do everything with gusto and pizzazz, from sleeping to partying, to resting to working, from eating great food to moving your body. But when it comes to Laughing, Loving, Playing and partying, pull out all the stops and do it too much, too loud and too long. Have too much fun. Try to actually die laughing. Your physical body listens and reacts to your emotional dialogue. STOP playing dead. START playing ALIVE"
~Dr. Richard Schulze
stellar lady:: Anonymous 5:07 PM [+] ::
...

damn...here i am with one week to go at this incredible non-profit org...which made me realize more than ever that my path for the future will take me into the field of law. as linette, my fellow intern, and i relentlessly attempt to find some sort of entertainment during our down time, i of course find myself reflecting on today and the year to come. as i stare at the daily herald sitting on my desk with my roomate and good friend's article on the front cover, i can't help but think how life at times seems so perfect. yea even from this drab office sitting before a sad looking bullentin board, things are perfect. because i am confident we are all where we need to be. according to durkheim the catholics believe every being has a "calling" or a duty to fullfill in their lifetime. they believe that there is a force that pulls us in the direction of what our duty should be. as subtle as it may seem we are all being pulled...whether or not we hold on and stay put or go along for the ride is completely up to us. at times we get little signs that let us know that we are in the right place...everything does happen for a reason and today be assured you are where you are supposed to be.


stellar lady:: naughti 10:25 AM [+] ::
...

my oh my...it's already the end of july!

right now i am temping and a corn seed company in El Paso, IL. needless to say, death has become an option when taking into consideration the corporate world. if i'm not already on my way to some serious health conditions from sitting in this cubicle.

well, not really.but this experience has led me to a realization...i don't know if i can do any old 9-5(or 8-4:30 if you will).i think i would end up slitting my throat or something. i don't just want to be driven by money. some people are ok with going in, doing there work, leaving and collecting their payjob at the end of the week. their motivation is money. thier job isn't what they really want to do and while it may not be horrible, it's not the best but they put up w/ it cuz they get a nice paycheck. i can't do this. yes i will be gettin some cash money today but the agony of this week isn't worth it. some people are okay by working solely so they get money. that is what i'm doing right now, and it bothers the fuck out of me.

this entier week has been draining...it makes me nervous about becoming someone who just goes through the motions of working an 8 hour day, doing a job that isnt satisfying to themselves and on a large scale, does not make a difference...i'm coming to see that a lot of people who graduate from college enter the workforce in that type of job. there is nothing>wrong with a 9-5 office job...i just know for sure nowi wouldn't be satisfied with it. i want a job that i enjoy overall, that challenges me, and works my creativity. i know i will never find a job where things always run smoothly; i would like a job that i am proud of, makes a difference in peoples lives, and that really stretches my mind, and makes me a better person. i would like to meet people that are like myself and challenge me in my work and to be a better person. sometimes this all sounds like wishful thinking...but i'm really going to work my ass off to get a job that i love.

in conjunction to this depressing temp job...i have a polar opposite opportunity that has shed some light on this dark week. i am beyond thrilled because i am interning for the wonderful
SAbriNa~!~ She is absolutely one of my favorite authors/artists and i'm really praying that this internship will be a foot in the door into (a) working for sabrina (b) the art scene (c) a move to california and (d) a new network of amaZing REAL people. now, the art scene, just like the music scene, can be very elitist and hard to deal with. but what i'm doing now is nothing like that...and this is the avenue that i would love to stick with.

So i've been working on projects for sabrina. last week i was busy busy with paul's final portfolio for his photo 2 class(you can see his portfolio that i'm in for his photo 1 class on my myspace profile...if you haven't joined myspaceyet...getoinit. you're falling behind...

And tonight we start shooting for my friend J's movie...it is called Late Afternoon of the Living Dead...a zombie movie, yes; but J is a phenomenal writer and my friends are extremely technically inclined...i think it will be a great production. i am starring as the goth girl...and i get to live in the end...which means i get to be in the next one...how much does that rule.

my infamous 21 is coming up. godammit i'm getting old.

i should get back to work...i will most likely be fired for this.

well, not really

currently reading: The Anxiety of Everyday Objects
musiconthebrain: Joss Stone; Fell in Love with a Boy
just finished: house sitting for Paul's parents. got to hang out with 4 cats all week :)

i must be fine cuz my heart's still beating.



stellar lady:: Anonymous 10:40 AM [+] ::
...

"But the civilization of the spectacle is cruel. The spectators have no memory--because of that they also lack remorse and true conscience. They live tied to what is new, and it doesn't matter what it is so long as it is new. They quickly forget and scarcely blink at the scenes of death and destruction...We are condemned to this new version of hell; those who appear on the screen and those of us who watch. Is there an escape? In order to attempt it, we must turn off the televsion, close the newspaper or the magazine, and go out for a walk. But walk where? Outside or within? It doesn't matter if it is through the streets of our city, populated with pahntoms like ourselves, or through the imaginary plazas of dreams explored with eyes closed, unconscious in the cold light of dawn". -octavio paz in The Zapatista Reader (highly recommended thus far)


stellar lady:: naughti 11:54 PM [+] ::
...

Kilgore Trout, incidentally, had written a book about a money tree.  It had twenty-dollar bills for leaves.  Its flowers were government bonds.  Its fruit was diamonds.  It attracted human beings who killed eachother around the roots and made very good fertilizer.
 
So it goes.

stellar lady:: Anonymous 2:03 PM [+] ::
...

"Late, by myself, in the boat of myself,
No light and no land anywhere,
Cloudcover thick.
I try to stay
Just above the surface,
Yet I’m already under
And living
Within
The ocean.”
~Rumi


stellar lady:: Anonymous 4:53 PM [+] ::
...

"How nice~to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive."
~k. vonnegut.
 
currently feeling: lathargic
currently reading: Slaughterhouse five
music on the brain: Incubus
movie to see:  Napoleon Dynamite
 
i'm trying to focus but my eyes deceive me.

stellar lady:: Anonymous 7:58 PM [+] ::
...

ladies, you are truly stellar...

yes, b. boyd is a fresh of breath air and nicole is a lucky lucky women...he is everything we imagined..and more.


stellar lady:: naughti 10:20 AM [+] ::
...

check dis out.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 11:16 AM [+] ::
...

my stomach still aches from the chorizo incident. but ladies it was an excellent, long-awaited get together. i have missed you both and i want to thank you; you guys are a breath of fresh air.
~
Just A Reminder

1: You have the right to judge your own behavior, thoughts, and emotions, and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon yourself.

2: You have the right to offer no reasons or excuses for justifying your behavior.

3: You have the right to judge if you are responsible for finding solutions to other people's problems.

4: You have the right to change your mind.

5: You have the right to make mistakes--and be responsible for them.

6: You have the right to say, "I don't know."

7: You have the right to be independent of the goodwill of others before coping with them.

8: You have the right to be illogical in making decisions.

9: You have the right to say, "I don't understand."

10: You have the right to say, "I don't care."
~

just because sometimes we forget how much in control we are of our own lives.

Go heRe and hEre.

just finished: Prozac Nation
starting: Slaughterhouse Five
feeling: the need to start something new.

sometimes i think this cycle never ends.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 3:20 AM [+] ::
...

"People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion."~ Albert Einstein

only a week left of my summer school class. that would normally be a good thing; except for the extensive amount of group work that would normally be done over the course of a semester is being fit in to this week. i will only be non-existent for a week more...

currently reading: Prozac Nation
inthecdplayer: The Shins; Chutes Too Narrow

kissing the lipless
who bleed all the sweetness away
stellar lady:: Anonymous 2:00 PM [+] ::
...

i don't recognize you
and your inanimate voice of content
blinded by a happiness that consumes
overtakes the body
soak in the comfort he offers
hand-feeding you self assurance
ignoring the pentrating questions
doubt has become second-class
you've re-defined you
without checking your own agenda
who are you and where have you gone?

appearantly this is my website... ladies, you there?
stellar lady:: naughti 11:28 PM [+] ::
...

and now i think of no one...




stellar lady:: naughti 10:23 PM [+] ::
...

my soul danced with yours
a waltz to a familiar tune i've never heard
all as i glanced in your eyes for a moment too long
under the bright lights i thought i saw something
you looked away
frightened by a skeleton of an un-ripened love
and we began another casual conversation
ignoring the aching in our chests as the waltz ended

you're a triscuit dipped in soul-kevin


stellar lady:: naughti 8:11 PM [+] ::
...

let the madness begin!!! one week down of insane hours at work and my internship...but it feels good. and the summer can truly begin now that the nikster is heading down to the city to be my temporary roommate for the summer! although i've only worked at my internship in which my job is to help place low-income teens in careers and help them prepare for the workforce, i feel fortunate to have this opportunity. it was a bit overwhelming to learn everything the first day i was there, but it is such an eye-opening experience. i found myself getting really attached to certain situations that i had to deal with, and although people have given me the advice to detach myself from some of the kids' problems, i don't think that is the answer. i think feeling empathy toward people, while being able to control your personal emotion is what makes us human. i'm an honest person and my feeling the hardships of another individual and being honest with them helps them to understand that we are there for them. so many of the kids i'm dealing with feel like outsiders, and many have gone (are going) through things most of us cannot conceive of. these are not the people to detach myself from, but i am working on leaving my work at work.

currently: upset that it is 8:00 and hobby lobby is closing because that means i can't start my painting tonight.

stellar lady:: naughti 7:46 PM [+] ::
...

when i come across interesting shit i always love to share. if you have not read anything by kurt vonnegut...HERE is a little taste...these are his thoughts on what is going on in the world today...

why does it always seem to rain on memorial day weekends? i don't know if i can even remember a year when it didn't. none the less...i will be going camping over by the mississippi river. good times.

i will be back in the ville respectively next weekend. home sweet home! se echo de menos mis damas stellar.

everything is just groovin' along. in actuality...i got nothing for yas.

just finished: Go Ask Alice
currently reading: A Million Little Pieces
newest book purchase: 'FOUND': the best lost, tossed and forgotten items from around the world. check out the links on the side to get a glimpse. here is my favorite found quote so far...

"By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it. the nonexistent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired."

check out: The Cardigans; Long Gone Before Daylight. remember them? they did that song for romeo and juliet way back? well they are a huge it in europe. and rightfully so. this album is fuckin' good. my current fav is 'And then you kissed me'. getonit.
currently listening to: Death Cab for Cutie; Transatlanticism

And what's strange is that they're all basically the same
So i don't ask names anymore
stellar lady:: Anonymous 9:15 AM [+] ::
...

heheh...i'm back...here is a summary of my road trip to south carolina:

-i found out i'm the darkest thing to cross into the kentucky border... and old men will say things like, "well, ain't you the purrtiest thang to walk in hur all night".
-driving through hills in tennessee is a dangerous thing to do at night
-the beach is my home
-the beach at night is the most serene place to be
-hot life guard
-dark whities
-i am a nascar driver...vrrrroooommmm!
-suicide out of a car window is the best way to go
-full body massage...amazing
-getting sick (i must have been mighty attractive blowing my nose on the beach for hours)
-never eat thai chiles......ever!
-Tattas, Peanut, and Gudunk-a-dunk
-cafe with an art gallery
-making pottery
-herbert the turtle
-getting hit on by a nasty guy at the surf store
-getting hit on by a beautiful guy at the other surf store
-"i hope to god i never have to say the piggly-wiggly and the win-dixie in one sentence again"
-i can't hear!!
-no more car rides with people who don't understand good music...this is a nightmare for me
-jumping on beds
-sufers!!!!
-sand in every orphus (ha)
-skirt falling down..what else is new?
-"are ya'll sisters?"
-"what's biggiesizeit?"
-have a peach a day

and we left with sand on our feet and the scent of ocean in our hair
stellar lady:: naughti 9:19 PM [+] ::
...

summer has commenced.

and although i am taking summer school, there is something indescribable in the air...that puts me in a state of relaxation. there's no rush anymore. i can just chill out now.

just a brief update.

summer school. a few hours at the shope. working at the House of Funk. come visit me! reading, writing, being outside, studying for the LSAT's. what? me? law school? shiiiiiit. how did that happen?

music on the brain: The Cardigans; For What It's Worth

The four letter word got stuck in my head
the dirtiest word that I've ever said

stellar lady:: Anonymous 1:55 PM [+] ::
...

hello
my friends
i have
a challenge for you
ready?
instead of reading
this uninfomative blog
or rather while you are
reading it
how about clicking on
that little icon to the left
reading "drudgereport"
or pick a biased newspaper
of your choice
and educate yourself
on the world
yes, that means
stepping outside
of your important world
to learn about things
that may not directly effect
you
oh, and while you're at it
why don't you form an opinion
of your own
that's all
wouldn't want to overwhelm
you

salaam




stellar lady:: naughti 11:06 PM [+] ::
...

miiiiiii amoras.......good luck with this week which will be nothing less than a week in hell......we're almost there ladies!

right now:
i'm hungry and revising a paper i never thought i would have to look at again, or rather prayed i would never have to look at again. my glasses are too weak, my wrist is aching when i type (the outcome of my window getting stuck and me thinking i was superwoman). i have just realized that i write a lot in the passive voice, and i have no idea why or how that came about...hopefully it's just occurring in this paper. i'm getting sentimental about our last newspaper issue....all the writers are so beautifully passionate and wonderful in their own way.... ok that was my rant...lo siento
***
i want to hear you sad
***
the earth turned to bring us together


stellar lady:: naughti 11:08 AM [+] ::
...

today is the fifth anniversary of the columbine shootings...i remember watching the shooters on tv and discussing the tragedy in high school. the world searched for an answer as to why these children were killing children....was it the music they were listening to?....their parent's lack of supervision?....the media?...violent videogames?....an endless amount of reason were sought to be found...yet we forgot to address one key factor....these children were boys. again and again boys and men use violence to fix their problem....it is our society's construction of masculinity that made these outcasts revert to violence and not speak about their problem with the boys they felt threatented their own masculinity (the jocks on their high school football team)....if we fail to address the issue that men commit 95% of the violent crimes in the US we are ignoring the key to these problems...instead we continue to send messages to young boys that they shouldn't cry and they should maintain a tough guy appearance to the world. all the while we are saying violence in general and violence toward women are all part of being a real man....hold it in, suck it up and stop being a sissy, right? well, ladies and gentlemen....here are your men....a bunch of high school boys with guns and blood on their hands....


stellar lady:: naughti 8:16 PM [+] ::
...

L'amour n'a pas de, frontiere
Restes car je t'aime comme tu es
J'ai traverse l'ocean du verbe
Et je t'ai trouve

Translated

Love has no boundaries
Stay because I love you as you are
I crossed an ocean of words
And I found you

- Talib Kweli


stellar lady:: Anonymous 1:23 PM [+] ::
...

ANSWER: Creep by Thom Yorke; Radiohead.

some good shit right there.

time to analyze stages of development and dissolution in intimate relational contexts. i was a waste of skin all day today. it felt great. now its time to getonit.

i wish i was outside right now.

movie to see: Dirty Pretty Things
realplayer: Leech; Incubus

i'm kicking myself that i shared spit with you
stellar lady:: Anonymous 7:10 PM [+] ::
...

it's at the tip of my tongue....but isn't everything?

i know it's not Lit....i can hear the voice in my head (this is the story of my life)....shitttttt i can't remember...who is it???


stellar lady:: naughti 3:05 PM [+] ::
...

the calm before the storm.

the weather helps. the sun and wind pouring through the window helps. but still, a year ago i was in amsterdam touring the Heiniken Brewery. i walked down the streets which instersected with other streets and beautiful, clean canals. then i layed out in a large park, and slept among the mass amount of people and birds that walked right up to you...

enough nostalgia. we're not in kansas anymore, dorothy. this was a rough week for some unknown reason. and not just for me, but for many that i've talked to. but things seem to be perking up. this weekend will have to be a balance of fun and work which will include fun activities such as...
~party at a friends apartment in downtown normal on friday
~filming for the short film i'm in, called Wanderlust
~party for leah on saturday
~making jewlery
~drawing with my pauly
~reading
but unfortunately will include some uneventful activities such as...
~working on my spanish paper; due wed(but will turn in on tues for i will not be in class on wed thanks to joss stone)
~working on my final artifact for my interpersonal com class
~begin reasearching for my topic analysis on the effect of non-verbal communication within groups
~and everything else that i'm sure i'm forgetting. gotta get to the eye doctor.

well, time to go figure out my schedule for next semester with my advisor. one more thing i can cross off my To Do list. i am slowly but surely ruling at life again.

oh yes, must mention. my paul will be making a documentary on sat march 24. the premise; The Ultimate Stag Challenge. it's a beer chugging contest. yes, it's very college. but then again, we are in college. and shit, i only have one more year of being a college kid so i sure as hell will be taking advantage of it. and you should too. hell, even if your're not in the challenge, atleast you'll be in the documentary. my apologies for the late notice on this upcoming event. i wasnt existing for awhile. but do make arrangements to head down to blormal and witness what will be; The Ultimate Stag Challenge. come one, come all, and if you have a mother's brother's cousin twice removed or something of that nature, they can come too.

besos guapitas.

>//

currently listening to: Beck; Nightmare Hippy Girl

she's playing footsie in another dimension...
stellar lady:: Anonymous 12:25 PM [+] ::
...

new kid: he spoke softly on hip-hop and economics. a man with few but powerful words. people listened. he wore a tan blazer and said that he was cold riding his bike. i offered my hat, but there was too much pink adorning it. he had a crooked smile that made me want to touch his lips with mine. he must be gay i thought, too beautiful to be otherwise. i probably shouldn't have stared at him so intently when he spoke to me, but he was a piece of artwork.....

i love meeting new people......even if they are made of unobtainium...hehehe


stellar lady:: naughti 10:50 PM [+] ::
...

"it's sometimes argued that there's no real progress; that a civilization that kills multitudes in mass warfare, that pollutes the land and oceans with even larger quantity of debris, that destroys the dignity of individuals by subjecting them to a forced mechanized existence can hardly be called an advance over the simpler hunting and gathering and agricultural existence of prehistoric times."
~Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintanence

currently: sitting at this shitty computer at work, bored because its completely dead and theres nothing to do.

tonight: The Darkness at the Vic. Then some hot tub action. nice.

tomorrow: will be in the ville at my parents house. come stop by!

It's so hard when contemplated in advance, and so easy when you do it.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 2:08 PM [+] ::
...

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

GO SEE THIS MOVIE!

its fucking amaZing. one of the best movies i've seen in a long, long time. purely brilliant.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 12:01 PM [+] ::
...

millions of people protested today against an unjust war that seems to be going nowhere....yet in this land of democracy where every person is supposed to have a voice, it as though their pleas for a better world were silenced. once again countries around the world showed their dissaproval of the inhumanity that is occurring in the country we invaded. perhaps if we got a true picture of what is really happening in that country across the world, we might think twice about having our president in power. spain has pulled out of the efforts (what the hell does efforts mean anyway?, more like invasion) in Iraq because finally they have a leader who is willing to listen to them...considering 90% of the spanish people were against the war in the first place. hopefully, instead of visiting florida for the hundreth time to get votes, our president will acknowledge that the people of his country do not support what our country is doing elsewhere.

you ignore us today, we will ignore you on election day. consider it done.

stellar lady:: naughti 8:54 PM [+] ::
...

i've become accustomed to lying to myself...it's become so easy that i hardly recognize that i'm doing it....here are some of the recent lies that i've induldged myself in:

(1) i enjoy the company of random individuals at school who do nothing but tell stories about their humorous lives without caring about what everyone else has going on
(2) i'm not mad at those individuals who haven't called me in months...they're just busy
(3) i'm no longer in love with him
(4) i believe all this studying is making me smarter
(5) i want to listen to my roomate's michael jackson cd one more time
(6) i understand my parent's reasons for being so protective of me
(7) i don't really want to go to california for graduate school
(8) i don't need coffee
(9) being single builds character
(10) i'm not wasting time

you want me to heal you, yet it burns when my fingers touch your skin.


stellar lady:: naughti 2:48 PM [+] ::
...

why am i inside at 10 pm and not out drinking green beer on St. Patty's day?

1) i am not 21 therefore i cannot enter bloomington-normal bars.
2) i have a presentation to give at 8 AM tomorrow
3) i have my second interview for a summer internship at State Farm tomorrow at 10 am. there would not be any time in between to nap or recover.

so there ya go. and here i am. with some food for thought...

"but to tear down a factory or to revolt against a government because it is a system is to attack effects rather than causes; and as long as the attack is upon effects only, no change is possible. the true system, the real system, is our present construction of systematic thought itself, rationality itself, and if a facory is torn down but the rationality which produced it is left standing, then that rationality will simply produce another factory. if a revolution destroys a systematic government, but the systematic pattern of thought that produced that government are left intact, then those patterns will repeat themselves in the succeeding government. there's so much talk about the system. and so little understanding."
~from Zen and The Art of Motorcycle Maintanence

currently listening to: Sexy Boys; Air

there's kind of a glaring inconsistency here, that is almost too obvious to dwell on.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 9:58 PM [+] ::
...

for real now fuckers....get off of friendster and naseeb.com and go vote!!! (illinois primaries)

currently: watching myself waste away...

quote of the mf-ing day come from Brandon Boyd (aka my boyfriend): "It's almost comical, just how blase it's become to start a war under one particular premise, then have that premise be thrown out publicly. And everyone is like 'Ah, whatever-people make mistakes.' Uhhhh, hello? Kind of amazing. I wasn't that into our last President, either, but he almost got thrown out of office just for having his pee-pee played with. But what's happening now, the word 'impeachment' hasn't even come up on CNN..."


stellar lady:: naughti 6:02 PM [+] ::
...

Quote of the Day:

"The Arc was made by amateurs and the Titanic was made by experts."
~

where did my spring break go?

currently reading: Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintanence
music on the mind: The Beatles; For No One

get off friendster. go vote.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 5:19 PM [+] ::
...

This makes me sick to my stomach. the atocha metro stop. randi and i looking for our friend lauren one night before going out. the seven floors of dance club Kapital. making drunk phone calls to the states at 5:30 in the morning as we waited for the metro to open at six AM. walking to El Museo de Arte Reina Sofia only to discover that it's closed on tues. walking back to the atocha metro stop, surveying 2 euro cd's while random spanish guys make poor attempts at trying to pick us up in broken english...

why do people think that violence is the only way to get their point across? i mean, honestly. like anyone is going to listen to your point of view and what you have to say when you're blowing people up. terrorism is fucking bullshit. there are too many fuckin ignorant assholes out there. and ignorance is not bliss. ignorance leads to an elitist, ethnocentric group of jackasses who get off on the death of innocent people; believing that this method of persuasion is actually the most concise way in achieving their political goals. its bullshit. ignorance = death. on every level.

it's times like these when i honestly believe that the human race is fucked. royally.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 10:33 AM [+] ::
...

Got a big gun?


by the way Amy Goodman from Democracy Now! is incredible in so many ways....to find out where you can hear her go to democracynow.org


stellar lady:: naughti 10:20 PM [+] ::
...

i wish i was here.

who's with me?
stellar lady:: Anonymous 9:12 PM [+] ::
...

midterms.

got a gun?
stellar lady:: Anonymous 10:42 PM [+] ::
...

well, i've got some time to kill. some jackass has parked in front of the driveway to my apartment complex, inhibiting me from leaving the 700 block of Franklin Ave. who's dumb enough to park in front of a driveway, seriously? fuckin dipshits. i have no sympathy for the money they will have to pay when Joe's Towing comes and excavates their ass. it is acts like this that make me realize why there are only a few people on the list. i want to move to new zealand. let's go meet pete there soon, k stella's?

some food for thought...

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."~Joseph Cambell

"To one visitor in the early 1960's he said: 'I like to sit and think and write my thoughts. the few people who have seen my work find it too deep for them.' he then pointed proudly to a pair of trousers hanging on the wall by a nail, 'i crocheted these out of string,' he said. 'it took me a long while because i didn't ahve a pattern. i had to keep trying them on'."~ From the obituary of Earl Russell in The Daily Telegraph, December 18, 1987

"For us to live and die properly, things have to be named properly. Let us reclaim our words."~John Berger

"Smoke falls. Things are created in the violence of fire."~ Martin Amis

"as for myself, i am always forgetting
what it was i wasn't going to write about
what i wasn't going to say again"
~Catherine Hunter

album to purchase: The Weakerthans; Reconstruction Site

well, Joe is here and he is about to get his tow on. i'm giving my liver a quasi~rest this weekend. so i'm off to go prepare for the upcoming week of hell, aka midterms, in which i shall not exist. as for the owner of the white grand am who decided they were god and could park wherever the hell they wanted: karma is a bitch.

you whisper your arrival walking backwards to the door.

stellar lady:: Anonymous 9:21 PM [+] ::
...

i will not fall in love with The Darkness....i refuse to...i still have nightmares about my brother singing the high-notes on that one horrible horrible song...


walking in slow motion
an unfamilar rhythm
who the hell am i?

i'm invisible
lost between the us and I
recreating me

red gatorade sucks
a diet based on liquid
i'm not satisfied

hehehehe






stellar lady:: naughti 4:29 PM [+] ::
...

ok, why i am making time to post? don't i have a pile of shit i need to complete for my classes? and an 8am tomorrow? didnt i start one of my posts with a question a couple of days ago? ok, i think i'm done.

well, my new obession. it would be writing haikus. my friend J got me started on this kick. it is so much fun! and distracting actually...i'll sit in class and words in the format of 5/7/5 just roll out of my head. i may not be paying much attention in class or gettin much homework done, but atleast i'm not a cokehead.

~~~
put a ban on it
it plagues my generation
insecurity
~~~

strumming the D chord
acoustic version of us
put the guitar down
~~~

the sideward glances
just building up the courage
but you breathe and choke
~~~

paintings on the wall
there were records everywhere
i told you goodbye
~~~

throw your looks my way
chew your words, taste like gravel
retaliation
~~~

to my ladies....nik, hope all is well~ i will call you soon! nadia...feel better!

why i sucked at life today:
1. spilled water allllll over myself
2. slipped and fell on ice while holding a heavy box of vases.
3. broke a vase in my hand and cut my finger.

i suppose today was just one of those days.

band to check out: The Darkness...nadia/nik...dont worry...i'll burn you a copy and you'll fall for these d00ds, i promise!

love on the rocks with no ice.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 12:05 AM [+] ::
...

why today sucked:
-i threw up over 6 times
-i'm living off of gatorade and saltines
-missed our last hockey game
-missed my tutoring sessions
-im so weak my cup feels heavy to me
-i haven't left the house
-blurred vision
-hunger
-fucking fruit punch gatorade and saltines

i know i scare you...it must be my smile that intimidates your punk-ass


stellar lady:: naughti 9:34 PM [+] ::
...

update: shirley is alive and well! armando is the king of cars.

what happens when you drink margaritas at a steady pace from 6 till about 10?

you're in bed by 10:30. up by 8 am. boy do i feel refreshed this morning!

what's this i hear about the water in the burbs?

currently listening to: the new incubus....so....so fucking....so fucking good. they are demi-gods.

i hate to say
so much more...
you're so much more
endearing
with the sounds turned off.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 10:17 AM [+] ::
...

i think the difference between us and most people is that we will never allow ourselves to be unhappy. we have the ability to find beauty is everything and everyone...we don't surround ourselves with negativity...we are the type of people who don't need a lot of cash in our pockets instead all we need are good people to find comfort in....

highlight of the evening: making my mom laugh so hard she got sick.
reality-check of the day: officer webster (old friend of mine) planning out the rest of my life for me...appareantly i'm meant to be a rockstar...
low-point of the week: peeete leaving for new zealand
hot date of the week: oh that's right it wasn't a date...mikey...i bought my own mocha!

you're perfectly flawed


stellar lady:: naughti 12:55 AM [+] ::
...

i spoke too soon...

shirley is dead!

i'm off to work my spanish at Armando's and hopefully revive her back to life.

shirley come back!
stellar lady:: Anonymous 11:42 AM [+] ::
...

what? it's february already? i could have sworn that it was november only a few days ago.

classes have been keeping me busy. so if i've been out of contact please do not take it personally. i wake up in the morning and before i know it it's 12:30 at night and i havent even accomplished the shit i need to get done for the next day. time is a tricky fucker. man...if i ever meet Time i'm going to have to have a few words with him.

so, i'm not doin too well on posting here and coming up with some really cool anecdotes to share. i don't know what's going on. where am i? what am i doing in this city? that last question has been going through my mind a lot lately. not that i am unhappy here in blormal. but let me tell ya, i will sure as hell be happy to move elsewhere, ie; chicago than be a resident of bloomington-normal...especially forever.

let me break it down for ya. college is great. i'm having the time of my life. i am probably in the best place in my life so far right now. not that everything is perfect. of course not. it never happens that way. but just with everything that i've gone through and everything i've dealt with and worked through has made me very strong. and i'm very happy with my family, friends, my relationship, work, and myself/life in general. of course there are the bumps in the road with school, friends i wish i could see more...etc. but all is well. and i'm grateful for everything i've gone through. college is great.

but i am not going to be one of those numerous amounts of people who have said to me the exact line verbatum: "enjoy college while you can, it's the best part of your life." you see, i never want to be stuck in that mindset. NEVER. to me, these people are living in a constant misery wishing they could go back to the way things were because "those were the good times" and "that's when life was fun and easy." but you see, life is what you make of it. if they are unhappy with where they are in life, they need to do something about it. i refuse to be someone in the future who is constantly dwelling on the past and the "good old times." sure, nostalgia is a wonderful thing and it will be great to look back and laugh and smile upon the memories i am currently making. but i am making my future. and i firmly believe that life gets better after college. is it going to be easy? fuck no. perhaps that's the mistake all of these 'stuck in college' mindset adults made. there is a lot more responsibility and availability for problems to arise. that is part of growing up. i think these types of people are the ones who just want to take the easy way out and secretly wish they could still leech off their parents and not have a care in the world.

being a 'grown up' persay does not mean that your life is drained of vitality and excitement. it will only be that way if you create that life for yourself. i'm looking forward to having a career that i enjoy, finding a significant other, starting a family, and all that blah blah blahness that i'm sure you're silently mocking me for right now. and maybe i'm just a romantic idiot who's perspective is a by-product of western culture; but i don't think so. these are the things i want. many people think this is what they have to do and follow the path that the media has designated as the norm, and they are unhappy. but the examples i listed are things that i want. it's not going to be easy. life is never easy. but you learn from the challenges and you grow up. it can either be a painful experience or a enlightening one. choose your perspective.

so i firmly believe that life gets even better after college. trust me, this is awesome. i love being a college student. but people who think that college life is the be all end all of enjoyment in their lives are setting themselves up for a miserable life. i am not going to be one of those people.

and one more thing. living permanently in a college town? it's not for me. i will be very surprised if i end up living in blormal or in a college town once i start a career. if fact, if i do, please come get me and smash a bottle of logic upside my head. i would have to have a pretty damn good excuse for that. i just can't live in a place where over half of the town's population will forver remain between the ages of 18-22. let me tell ya. we college kids are punk asses. i wouldnt want to grow up across the street from me and my neighbors.

well, i guess that was little story time for ya. i hope that it holds you over for awhile. i dont know when i'm going to be back. valentines day is coming up. so needless to say i'll be slaving at work. fucking hallmark holidays.

currently feeling: content
this weekend: a possible love festival? if you haven't experienced this yet, you must get your booty to blormal
currently reading: well, still the best american non-required readings. and still need to finish reading vonnegut's short stories. oh, and my required readings for my classes. i should get on that.
in the cdplayer: Damien Rice; the blower's daughter

can't take my eyes off of you.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 10:49 AM [+] ::
...

Apartment #9 Premier Party.

a success!

what a fun weekend.

couldn't make it?

go HERE, and you'll feel like you were right there with us!

i shall be in the ville next weekend. it'll be the calm before the storm. before it really feels like i'm back in the groove and trying to get two degrees.

alright, goodbye.

it happened too fast, to make sense of it.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 6:30 PM [+] ::
...

redefining

let me tell you what a true friend is....today it is beyond cold...i mean snot-freezing kind of cold here in chicago....well i lost/forgot my hat at my apt....and all the way home a good friend of mine covered my ears the entire walk back to the apt....it's little things like this that define true friendship.

ask yourself if you're a true friend.


stellar lady:: naughti 3:07 PM [+] ::
...

A word of caution: we artists produce work, spectators observe it. We express, the observer is impressed. We do not set out to create works that can be used by spectators to define us, our personalities. Rather we create works to shape feelings, and those feelings are often shared by numbers of people. But no matter what images we draw or paint, our unique and very personal markings are always intrinsic to the end result.
- Thoreau
stellar lady:: Anonymous 9:54 PM [+] ::
...

Peeeeeeeetttttttttteeeeeeeeee!!!!

love this kid.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 4:07 PM [+] ::
...

i'm not quite ready for bed yet. nyquil should be kickin in soon. which is good. it will get me safely through to my 8 oclock class tomorrow. the creaters of nyquil will be thanked in my graduation speech. cause thank god, i will be graduating in four years. 99 percent positive.

so for the first time ever i am really pumped about my classes this semester. now that i'm into my major, going to these classes no longer seems like a drag or a hassel. i'm excited to go and get my learn on. the only negative to my semester may prove to be a big one though. my night class. wednesdays from 5:30 to 8:20. what is the major thing i learned about myself today? I HAVE THE ATTENTION SPAN OF AN ANT. good god, i don't know how i'm going to do it. AND it's all in spanish. which requires twice the amount of effor to comprehend and absorb information. by the time it was 6:10 i was already bouncing in my seat and off in LaLa land. plus the fact that i have 3 people i went to spain with and other good friends in that class; does not make it conducive to paying attention. and my profesora whom i had last semester ALWAYS keeps you the full time. which just blows. i mean come on, it was the first day. atleast a half hour early or some shit. but no. she went the whole time. actually five minutes over. plus the fact i hadn't eaten all day cuz i went from work to class to work to class did not help the situation any.

also, the fact that the class is one day a week will definitely propel my forgetfullness in getting the readings and assignments done. granted i have a week, but keeping up with my other four classes and work and all the other things i make time for makes it kind of hard. i have to stop being such a space cadet. aren't there pills that improve memory? or certain types of food? if anyone knows, send that shit my way.

but ok, i'm really not complaining. i just had to get that tidbit off my chest. i am very excited for this semester. i'll be learning some cool shit. i rearranged my room. i'm totally stoked about it. it's much more efficient space wise and all that. plus it just looks cooler. i gotta rearrange the decorations and vacuum and put shit away...but that will all come in due time.

it's good to see all my central IL peeps again. this town of blormal isnt at all bad as i sometimes make it out to be. there are many good times to be had here with some really cool people. you just have to sift out the shit, ya know? your situation is all that you make of it. it's a state of mind. enough said.

so yes. all is well. i'm working a ton. i will not be working at the house of funk for washburns needs me hardcore and they gave me a raise. which is good. but. i'm wondering if it might get a bit much. at the moment; during the day if i'm not in class, i'm there. it's kinda draining. i suppose i'll just see how it plays out.

ok, and i would just like to make an honorable mention that there is a special someone in my life. and that i'm really happy. and i don't want to say anything more because i don't want to jinx anything. not that i'm superstitious. but yes. all signs say move ahead. choose anew. please evolve. take flight. off i go...

wow, i didnt expect this to turn into such a long post. but i must get my ass in bed so i can wake up and become more of a smart fucker than i already am. ahhh haha. i love it.

miss you stella ladies. nat...hope everyting is going smoothe and nik; good luck with the move in and the new semester...i'll talk to yall lates.

currently reading: The Best American Non Required Reading
in the cdplayer clock radio: Joss Stone

Decreased rigidity,
Increased creativity,
Less compulsion,
More sense of choice.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 1:45 AM [+] ::
...

my own fortune...

-you have a potential urge and ability to love anything. Share it with others.
-you display the wonderful trait of insight and accomplishment.
-the way to be original and creative is to realize that it might be lost.
-you have plenty of charm and courtesy.

-today was a good day and spent with the true loves of my life. ana bahebik.

put that in your cookie!


stellar lady:: naughti 11:16 PM [+] ::
...

holla ladies....

i want to thank the stella's much for the extravaganza today. much success. some boots so i can be boardroom. w/ a kick ass skirt to match. some excellent Stir Crazy...with free desert! lucky for us you can't handle the spice nik! i love you gals. we're a bundle of fuckin joy. come and get it folks!

also, you ladies also got to meet mr. infamous. that's some crazy shit. it's been almost two years that he's been in my life. i'm finally ready to let him go completely. i think it finally got old. and it finally went away. see, i use to wear my heart on my sleeve too much. that can sometime's bite you in the ass.

i'm just at a point where i'm goin through the motions but it's all groovy. classes start on monday. i must go do my best to perfect the art of being a 'waste of skin'. once the semester starts i won't have any time for that.

next time i'll be reporting from blormal...peas out yall

currently finishing: Solopsist; Henry Rollins
song that rocks my world at the moment: A Letter to Elise; The Cure ...(check out number 12 on Blink 182's cd...Robert Smith from The Cure is on there...it totally rocks...also...check out all of Blink's album. it's surprising different and good)

Buy me a shiny new machine,
That runs on lies and gasoline,
And all those batteries we stole from smoke alarms,
And disassembles my despair,
Never took me anywhere,
It never once bought me a drink.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 9:31 PM [+] ::
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i just thought i would express once again my thanks to all the wonderful people in my life.........this whole break...although as short as it seemed has been full of seeing all the beautiful people that i love....tonight was once again an incredible night....i am so lucky and blessed....thank you...fondue anyone? you bring the bananas, i got the chocolate!

i think he wanted a kiss.


stellar lady:: naughti 12:59 AM [+] ::
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