:: Idle Neurosis ::

:: Friday, October 31, 2003 ::

~Halloween morning. Rotting pumpkins, burning leaves, black cats mating like rats in the alley. It was as. . . it were as if we felt not fear. As if we were already dead, and had nothing to fear by dying. Or perhaps it was because we lived life so well and loved life so much that we imagined ourselves immortal. Overwhelming the powers that be with the force of our passion for science. Or maybe we were just fucked in the head. - Flatliners ~

why am i awake this early? i can't say for sure. could be sleeping still. but what i can say is that miller lite leaves ya with a nice headache the morning after. but hey, it had been awhile. vale la pena.

we may be heading here tonight among other places. look for a scandalist brownie, a flapper, and a Kill Bill assasin. i believe a super tall joe dirt will be there as well. keep on the lookout.

i stand you stood and i swear i'll never breathe a word
stellar lady:: Anonymous 8:48 AM [+] ::
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rest in peace elliot smith. it's unfortunate that often in our society a person's genious will not receive its fully deserved recognition until after their death. nonetheless; check him out.

i actually have a week where i do not have any tests or papers due. i still have the day to day shit and will be slowly working on things for next week; but it is nice to have the pressure off and walk a little slower. and have more time to sleep. i dont seem to be getting any of that done at night.

why do i feel that my college career is almost over? only a year and a half left. three semesters of work. i dont know where the time goes. and thinking about all of this leads me to start worrying about getting a job, surviving the 'real world', and all the cliches that come with life after college. i know its normal to not know exactly what i'm suppose to be doing, and having a general idea is ok, but i wish i had something just a little more tangible.

there does seem to be three stark choices; so beloved by our generation:

1. Be a starving but happy artist
2. Be an affluent but depressed professional
3. Ignored genious.

i dont think i'll take any of those options, thank you very much. i suppose i'll just keep kickin some ass and i'll get to where i'm goin.

"Knowledge is way different from wisdom and the most cryptic beautiful things are often the most simple."

#1 guilty pleasure; Justin Timberlake. that album is so fuckin good, i dont care what anyone says.

Nap time. Here is your coat and those are your shoes and that is the door.

You got a look in your eye
When you're saying goodbye
Like you wanna say hi
stellar lady:: Anonymous 11:36 AM [+] ::
...

listen here people...i am giving up technology for a really long time...i'm going to grab myself a typewriter and forget about this computer garbage....me and my angel of a friend tried fixing my computer all day yesterday and today...not to mention i put my work aside to do this....we ended up re-installing everything....forget this shit. i gotta get some sleep....can't wait to see you guys this weekend.


stellar lady:: naughti 1:32 AM [+] ::
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here is a recent quote from a stevie nicks interview in the Herald Sun regarding britney and madonna's grammy's kiss:

"First of all, Madonna is too old to be kissing someone who is 22. And Britney should be smarter than that. Hopefully, she will figure a way out of this hole she has dug for herself."

she then says that Spears and Christina Aguilera should wear more clothes and try writing decent songs.

"I personally have never been to a strip club, but I turn on MTV and see in every single video what it must be like to be at a strip club," Nicks said.

"I think the mystery is gone, and if you have no mystery, then you aren't even sexy."

"Real sexuality and sensuality is in the music, and all these girls vis-a-vis, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and on and on, should go back to writing songs and start over because it won't last and they won't last."

"When they are 55, they won't be around and that's sad because I think a lot of those girls are very talented. But they are signing their own death warrants."

- stevie nicks 2003

life's busyness has been sweeping me up as usual...

1. My apoligies to fellow blogger nik for my rowdyness/ridiculousness/incoherency in champaign last nite. raspberry vodka does it to me every time. hard liquor is the root of all evil.
2. it will be wonderful when all the stella ladies reunite next weekend. its been way too long since all three of us have been together.
3. 5k accomplished. go me.
4. i will be MIA this week. its gonna be hell.
5. its really hard to be productive when its so nice outside. fall is the best season ever.
6. i am not an advocate of hallmark holidays. not yet, atleast.
7. everyone run for your lives, ladybugs are taking over the earth.

this week: research paper for sociology due, spanish test, register for next semester, comm theories test, environmental health test

and then i can breathe...

one more thing...if anyone has ideas for halloween costumes, throw that shit my way. i'm fresh out of ideas.

peace, love, and dove bars.

when i fall in love, i take my time
stellar lady:: Anonymous 12:30 PM [+] ::
...

the moment you touched my lips you became the king of my islands
swirled in blue silk robes of the pacific
and although you are bound to my islands of thought
today i am without a king.

i'm half gone right now....lack of sleep because of my midterm and because of my bad/good decision last night....went to wrigelyville last night with lots of hope and energy....up until the last second of the last inning i thought we could do it....it was insane and beautiful how everyone was completely one....we were all experiencing the same emotions...anger, excitement, hope.....everyone understood one another...it was so much bigger than just a game....no one had a name.....and then as 3 appeared on the scoreboard we all felt alone in that huge mass of people....

i promise i wont tell them you are.


stellar lady:: naughti 5:29 PM [+] ::
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"Loss makes everything sharp" ~May Sarton

when someone's gone are they really really really gone?

i'm feeling sorta blank a full of muted tones. i feel just sorta beige.

you know i'd give you everything i got for a little peace of mind.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 8:52 AM [+] ::
...

i understand it's been a while....but i finally got internet hooked up to my place, so i shall be making more appearances in the near future.....this semester is going by extremely fast...and although i've been steered in a direction i thought i had closed off in my life i am back along that dusty path once again....after thinking that i wanted to go into counseling of children i put law on the back burner....but once again i am going to pursue a career in law for various reasons.....and as i look at it in perspective i think i'm supposed to be doing this....sociology and english are perfect fields of study for law...and initially i got hooked to law in high school and decided to go to college to pursue law...sometimes we're forced to chose things in life and sometimes life choses for us.....

tomorrow: midterm in english 241 (Beowulf, Chaucer, lanval are overrated)
tonight: brownies and a quick birthday celebration

i don't have time to write the whole poem...but here's a little taste....

'...no, if you would listen to me,
you would never hope that he would be true, a crude
crusher of lips that were sweetened
by Venus with her own quintessence of nectar.


stellar lady:: naughti 9:12 PM [+] ::
...

although we're about 200 miles away,we still love the cubbies! hell yeah support from central IL.

cubs are headin to the world series. in your face cardinal fans. ha ha...suckers.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 9:54 PM [+] ::
...

here's an excerpt of 'fake president', a poem from blormal's indy newspaper...

"George Bush Junior,
you say the American
people need to make
sacrifices, don't you
really mean the people
jus' scrapin' ta get by,
cause thats where the
87 billion that you want
is gunna come from,
you ain't puttin' none
of your millions in the pot,
you just uh fake president
who won a fake election,
hopin' you can rally
the country into another
red scare witch hunt,
well, asshole, you should
have killed all
the poets first."
~John Firefly, 9-24-03

am doing my damndest to start my spanish paper right now. should have stayed in last night and been productive, but it is difficult to resist a good party. but sundays are for gettin all your shit done, right? just nod and smile please. itll help me feel better.

i'm constantly moving and stumbling from one obligation to another. funny how its simultaneously invigorating and defeating. its good though. i want to become the smartest fucker possible. and soon i'll have that piece of paper with black ink on it that says i'm two degrees smarter than you. ha, yup. thats what i'm goin for.

i'm not sure what i'm runnign on right now. all i know is some refueling in the thrill is needed, believe it or not. i miss my fam and friends. i'll see you friday night.

today: analyzing a poem about flies; en espanol, laundry, cleaning my room, reading, reading, and more reading.
tuesday: famous linguist Noam Chomsky will be speaking here at ISU. time: 7pm and he will talk on "Dilemmas of Dominance". i think it will be worth it for all you outta towners to make your way down(or up, wherever you may be located) to central illinois to listen to one of the most celebrated intellectuals in the world. it will be an experience, and more of a privilege to hear this man talk. also its free; if that will entice any of you indecisive kids out there.

inthecdplayer: Mars Volta
currently reading: Heat Wave: A Social Autopsy of Disaster In Chicago
movie to see: All The Real Girls

go cubbies!
stellar lady:: Anonymous 1:14 PM [+] ::
...

in an attempt to bring our spirits up last night we decided to rent a movie....well it was taking us a while and the friendly blockbuster guy decided he wanted to help us (they were closing and he wanted us out)....but nonetheless he was extremely kind.....until he recommended the most horrible movie i have ever sat through in my life(oh yes worse than mulholland drive)....i should have been weary when i saw that mandy moore was one of leads...but she's kinda cute so i thought why not?....besides we were being rushed....the name of the movie is 'all i want'....there should be some sort of qualifications that movies should meet before they come out....or some sort of manufacturer's gaurantee...cuz i am not a happy consumer.




stellar lady:: naughti 10:13 PM [+] ::
...

i just wrote a blog and then erased it by accident....i will not re-write it, but i did have something to say....


stellar lady:: naughti 9:31 PM [+] ::
...

check this hilarious shit out...read through it all; its funny how true it is. fuckin elitist indie rock kids.

well, all i have to say is
a) life is too short
b) learning after 8pm should be made illegal and
c) you know its a good day when you receive a call at work telling you that your passenger car window has been smashed in.

i should have stayed asleep today.

stellar lady:: Anonymous 7:22 PM [+] ::
...