:: Idle Neurosis ::

:: Thursday, August 28, 2003 ::

"The unique phenomenon of distance, however close [an object] may be" ~ a definition of aura, offered by the popular wiseguy Walter Benjamin.

for a moment we are reminded, compelled to remember, the work undone. documents unfinished. letters half-written. that game of suspended solitaire which sits at home, waiting for me and my entire generation to return and finish it (and lose).

so does high-grade acid really cause short-term memory loss? i know a lot of other things that will.

last night i had a strong craving for some coffee shots with tobacco chasers. but do not fear kids; i resisted. i am beginning day 12 of being a non-smoker. wax on, wax off.

another thing; people dont settle for people. they resolve to be with them. it takes faith. you draw a circle in the sand and you agree to stand in it and believe in it. its faith.

let me recover my breath from this uphill train of thought. bit early in the morning for epiphanies.

in the cdplayer: Mogwai
currently reading: Welcome to the Monkey House by Kurt Vonnegut.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 9:09 AM [+] ::
...

this will be my last blog for a little while...i didn't know setting up the internet in my apartment would be sooo difficult...i guess it's more difficult than i thought for people to fully offer me their services. anyway hopefully me and huff will have dsl up and running in a week or so. i'm kinda sad for the summer to end but at the same time i'm looking forward to (dreading) school this semester. i usually judge my classes by the books we use...so far three out of the five are looking pretty good. by the way whoever believes in God out there say a little prayer for my bro...the biggest test of his life is tuesday. see everyone in chicago ;-)

we're all lost in this world....but at least we have a compass...all we have to do is learn how to use it.

nik-make sure u save those glasses for when me and sam want ice cream!
sam-keep up the drunkin phone calls...they make my nite!
stellar lady:: naughti 12:32 AM [+] ::
...

Here we are, at the start.

One week down on the semester. only 17 more to go, right?

as much as i normally get super stressed out and spastic as the school years start, i'm surprisingly quite relaxed these days. i cant explain it. but i dare wont question it. its just really nice to sit back and know that in the end; its all nice.(this is the optimist shinning through right now. her name is samantha. she hasnt come out very often on the blog. she's very pleased to meet you.)

i'm pumped for the classes i'm taking, though i will have to put in a hell of a lot of extra work this semester. i'll give ya the run down. i'm takin an environmental health class, history of africa(my roomate sara is in it and my other roomate amy is the T.A. we planned this out very nicely.), a sociology class, a hispanic lit class, and a communication theories class. yeah, by the end of this semester; i'll be a lot smarter.

i read an article in our school newspaper regarding growing up and getting a job. and the writer made a lot of great points. theres all the questions of 'when are you goin to graduate?', 'do you think you'll be able to find a job?', 'whats your major? so what are you goin to do with that?'. and i think many would agree with me that we're sick of being bombarded from all sides with these inquiries. so to all future interrogators- shut up, please.

its natural to worry about the future. but with all this pressure to 'get the right degree', we're wasting all our time worrying about tomorrow in turn; missing out on today. the writer pointed out that college is a place where students are given the opportunity to define and redefine who they are. but too often the journey of self-actualization is plagued with and complicated by the white noise of contemporary society. so many kids are discouraged from certain fields of study because they "cant get a job in that." but we need to delve into what we're most passionate about. so lets ignore all the naysayers.

i could get all self-help on ya, but i'll refrain. lets just live up our college years, worry less, and look forward to whats next.

what am i doing? i've got a busy schedule. its booked with plans to binge drink, park illegally and wreak havoc on the people of bloomington-normal.

in the cd player: Jon Spencer Blues Explosion
site to check out: Found Magazine
days of being a non-smoker: 7

nik and naughti: good luck with the location changes. wish we were at alpine valley seeing radiohead right now.

And for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself.


stellar lady:: Anonymous 3:28 PM [+] ::
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my opinion article...this year's newspaper crew is going to be a riot...i can already tell....this is before changes were made to it....sorry it's long...

I was left a bit distraught following a casual conversation with a customer of mine. After receiving the typical question of, “what type of music do you like?” I replied by saying that hip-hop was among the many types of music that I appreciate. The response of the young man standing before me flabbergasted me. “Oh, you mean like Nelly?” he asked confidently. I laughed a little and then looked up from my work only to realize that he was not joking. Could this man’s view of music be so tainted that Nelly was being grouped with legends like Run DMC and De La Soul? The depth of hip-hop music has somehow become synonymous to the shallowness of pop rap. Don’t get me wrong, I even find it entertaining to sing along to catchy songs like “Right Thurr”, but in no way should artists like Chingy be considered hip-hop.
A lifestyle in its own, hip hop may be one of the most misunderstood genres of music. With artists like 50 Cent, Nelly, and Puff Daddy blaring on radio stations and TRL, it seems as though hip hop has taken a backseat to pop rap. Hip hop was never fully introduced into mainstream music, but even a rare leak of artists like Common or the Fugees was expected to slip into airplay. Mainstream has lacked hip hop for so long that the common folk is using the terms “rap” and “hip hop” interchangeably. As a matter of fact, many musicians are the one’s trying to blur the line separating the two very different genres.
Perhaps many artists are claiming to be a part of the hip hop culture because hip hop is more of a revolution than a type of music. This highly respected genre of music contains some of the most lyrically talented individuals from artists like the late Tupac Shakur, Atmosphere, and KRS-One. The goal for hip hop MCs is to spit out lyrics no one has heard before in a manner and style no one encompasses. Lyrically is where rap and hip hop differ. While rappers speak about cars, money, and sex, hip hop uses themes like society, love, spirituality and hip hop itself. Rappers also have a tendency to bash other musicians like 50 Cent saying, “I used to tap my foot to Lauryn Hill until she made a CD with no beat”. Hip hoppers seem to have more respect for one another in that they only put another musician down when they are challenged to a lyrical competition by another MC.
The music industry has shown that rap sells. Perhaps it is the way rap coins new catch phrases and fun chorus lines. But not all hip hop is serious. The Beastie Boys may be known for their unique beats and turntablism, but they also stirred things up with their nutty flows and spontaneity. Later the LA underground group Pharcyde also incorporated the same carefree fun attitude as the Beastie Boys.
Another element often found in hip hop (and not rap) is DJing through the use of turntables. Groups like Jurassic 5, Dilated Peoples, and the Beatnuts use beats and scratching to amaze their audiences. Turntables and human beatboxes are non-existent at rap concerts. Instead, entourages of people follow the headlining rapper on stage causing so much noise as they all try to rap at once that the audience is left wondering who they paid to see.
Hip hop may not be readily available to music lovers through MTV or local radio stations, but it is definitely not dead. New and old hip hop artists are creating new masterpieces to fill the shoes of hip hop legends. The only problem is discovering these new artists. Artists like K-os, Blackalicious, The Roots, and Talib Kweli are always producing fresh music and performing live.
Hip hop is a culture, not just a good beat to bop your head to. It contains the talents of MCs, DJs, dancers, and visual artists. Rap is simply music competing to make big sales. Perhaps a phenomenal line from a cheesy movie can sum it up, “what is the difference between hip hop and rap? It is like the difference between love and being in love with someone…rap is just a word” (Brown Sugar).



stellar lady:: naughti 8:40 PM [+] ::
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Manifest Amo

as the summer winds down to an end, i can say that it has turned out very different than i had imagined when i returned from spain. i can honestly say that i am very happy with everything right now. an overall contentment. of course there are minor things(ex to recall: why didnt i go to school in the city) but i am really becoming a firm believer that everything is as it should be and that i am where i am for a reason. just two more years baby, thats all i have to say.

mat leaves me speechless. i've turned into one of those stupid romantic idiots i use to pity. but its alright; i forgive myself. i'm just gonna sit back and smile as the magic unfolds. i've got something real and its more than i could have ever imagined.

stella ladies...i've had an amazing past couple of days...thank you so much for everything. i've exited the teenage era. and really, i'm not all that sad. i'm excited for whats to come. a lot of my existence i've spent staring off into the past. but now my gaze is set forward. and i'm a movin.

what?! school starts on monday? wtf. here goes...

i will be in touch ladies.....un beso.

Quote of the Day: "I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life is a bitch, you've got to go out and kick ass!"~Maya Angelou

up next: back to blormal, baseball game in peoria, partay at pirates.
check out:bob nana's opinion piece on downloading music. good stuff.
music on the brain:Radiohead; Ok Computer

Haiku
I love the fancy
but I have a nervous tick
I dont fancy you.

Open up your skull
I'll be there
Climbing up the walls

stellar lady:: Anonymous 12:32 PM [+] ::
...

sometimes i forget how certain songs make me feel:
"there's something about the look in your eyes
something i noticed when the light was just right
it reminded me twice that i was alive
and it reminded me that you are so worth the fight"
-incubus

today i saw heaven and hell collide....moving into my apartment was a biotch (this is an understatement)....five flights of stairs allowed for dehydration to consume us pretty quickly.....random sweet guys helped out a little (they didn't come soon enough)....but to see my huffinator's eyes glow up as she walked into the apartment was worth it all....

all we need is an ice cream scooper!

something taken for granted by many: the ability to love who you choose
must see movie: bowling for colombine (on video aug. 19)
last movie seen: 13 conversations about one thing (for you analytical people out there)
just found out: better than ezra will be performing at the last fling this month

* i always have one foot out the door.


stellar lady:: naughti 9:35 PM [+] ::
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Quote worth mentioning

"if we could just love eachother and live in truth as much as possible and not act out some idea of what a relationship is suppose to be. to not lie~at all. to be able to sit down, look eachother in the eye, and speak our minds freely. to maintain a perspective on the other and not wholly judge him in context to yourself. i dont want somebody to stay with me just cause he promised to do so 18 years ago or whatever. he should stay with me because he wants to, because he loves me and believes that being with me is what he needs most deeply. an awake, conscious life, thats all i really desired."
~excerpt from Ash Wednesday

in the cdplayer: Sarah McLachlan
tomorrow:job interview at borders, doin it the washburn way, the weekend starting on thursday, a ciggarette free day(esperamos que si, yo solamente tenia dos hoy. vamos a ver.)

I can't feel anymore but I can fake it forever.



stellar lady:: Anonymous 8:44 PM [+] ::
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Sequence of events; Part 3

1. Cruising to the city, smoking and eating potato bread(happily provided by our chef naughti)
2.greeeeeek tooooooowwwn....theres nats place!
3. parking parking parking? there? yes! wait, no not there...there? yes! pull a 180! no! 15 minute standing area..."excuse me sir are you leaving soon.....?" whoa! nevermind d0ood! sorry we asked.
4. the fucking aMAZing apartment!!! this sick spot will be my second home during the school year. well done nat.
5. the big fat greek family...dude with the glasses shaking my hand and holding it well past the universal time allotted for handshakes.
6. walking...oh this beautiful city...awesomer...nikki will be adding a section to my dictionary...keep an eye out at your local book stores.
7. what? accident? what? tickets? what?
8. emily doing her best to not go off on the woman at the box office who wont give us our tickets.
9. turns out there are no tickets under shady dood's name. where is shady dood??? must find him. he will pay.
10. Guitarrist's dad's friend sold us tix...nat talking the price down to $15...right on sister.
11. maybe if i go to the box office and ask for a backstage pass, i'll get one like everybody else seems to be.
12. whaaaaat....the VP crew! they stalk me at concerts i swear...yowsa the memories...
13. wish thoses peeps werent sittin in front of us...we wanna put our feet up!
14. did we miss something corporate? GLOVE!! he's cute from here!....ahhhh here comes MY* boyfriend...
15. ummm.....the songs??? yes, yes i do know this one...we're getting DOWN...
16. is it easy to get lost in the city? ask emily and jared. they will agree wholeheartedly.
17. i should just give my phone to nadia cuz every phone call is for her :)
18. its 11:30...the concert isnt over yet
19. how do we get to 90-94? wait....shit, that was a one way street!
20. mat's place....teehee...a seal of approval from my sisters...allowing myself to enjoy the butterflys in my stomach
21. time to peace out...chillin to musica at volume 15 to compensate for our loss of hearing after nick was crooning to us.
22. is it raining? or is it the car in front of us?
23. an excellent night...i love ya sisters!
24. WHY DIDNT I GO TO SCHOOL IN THE CITY????
*25. Please disregard any comments naughti and nik may say regarding nick hexum. they havent been taking their medication lately and are very delusional. we shall never forget that nick heXum is MY boyfriend. oh yeah, and ashton too.

set the clocks back, set my thoughts ahead.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 4:21 PM [+] ::
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nick hexum is MY boyfriend.....

free parking is a biotch!!!....tripping up three flights of stairs in excitement.....the walls are blue and yellow....bugs in nik's drink....what? ryans name isn't on the list? no tickets...wait five more minutes...shadiness.....buying tickets from random guys...talking down the price....backstage please...sam's ex...wow, he's skinny!....is that arendt?....what are u eating?...andy bringing the energy...wanna make out?....g love and who?!.....oh my beautiful boyfriend....amber is the color of your energy...emily was a spaz....jared was chill....where is the f-ing highway?!.....don't pick up the phone!!!....it's nadia's cell.....matt a beautiful being....locked out...climb through the window...what a place!....turn the clown around!!! ahhhh.....the deer is a little disturbing.....sus padres?...yeah....gotta go....cds skipping....what a night!....i love you guys!


stellar lady:: naughti 12:47 PM [+] ::
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you know you're shady if:
-you don't call when you say you're going to
-you talk about people behind their back and smile to their face
-you tell someone you like their hair (clothes, etc.) when you really think it's hideous
-you avoid someone you know and pretended to like (this includes avoiding eye-contact and phonecalls)
-you say you have someone's birthday gift at home when you really didn't buy anything
-you use people for things you want
-you use people and then drop them
-you haven't talked to your 'friend' in over a month
-you come between friends and make them fight
-you don't tell you boyfriend/girlfriend that you had a divorce and you have kids
-you pretend everything is okay (when things are going badly)
-you just wanted some booty and never cared about the person
-you pretended you cared but just wanted some booty
-you lead people on

why am i making a list of ways a person can be shady?...because once again everyone knows the motto that i truly believe in...just keeping it real....everyday i find more and more shady people in this world (feel free to add on)......
stellar lady:: naughti 7:02 PM [+] ::
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