:: Idle Neurosis ::

:: Wednesday, April 30, 2003 ::

i've found a phenomenal poet....he brought tears to my eyes....he writes in spanish but his work is translated....simply amazing. check out his book "a tree within" by Octavio Paz.
here is a taste:

This side (este lado)

There is a light. We neither see nor touch it.
In its empty clarities rests
what we touch and see.
I see with my fingertips
what my eyes touch:
shadows, the world.
With shadows I draw worlds,
I scatter worlds with shadows.
I hear the light beat on the other side.




stellar lady:: naughti 10:19 PM [+] ::
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el próximo estación: Valencia, Spain
stellar lady:: Anonymous 1:55 PM [+] ::
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happiness comes when realization hits hard. when you can finally accept things that you were trying hard to ignore, there is something beautiful that is revealed.


stellar lady:: naughti 1:27 PM [+] ::
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what do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic, and a dyslexic?
you get somebody who stays up all night wondering whether or not theres a dog.

morning is the souls night. the days worst time physically. these mornings with cold floors and hot windows and merciles light- the souls certainty that day will not have be not traversed but sort of climbed, vertically and then that going to sleep again at the end of it will be like falling again, off of something tall and sheer.

recreational drugs are more or less traditional at any u.s. secondary school, maybe because of the unprecedented tensions: post latency and puberty and angst and impending adulthood... to manage their intraphysic storms...its for those who manage their internal weathers chemically...

but like, who isnt, at some lifestage, in the u.s.a. and interdependent regions, in these times, involed with recreational substances. some persons can give themselves away to an ambitious pursuit and have that be al the giving-themselves-away to something they need to do. though sometimes this changes as the players get older and the pursuit more stress-fraught. amercan experience seems to suggest that people are virtually unlimited in their lneed to give themselves away, on various levels. some just prefer to do it in secret. and then there becomes this obsession with the secrecy of it. this no-one-must-know thing. most north americans tend to know way less about why they feel certain ways about the objects and pursuits theyre devoted to than they do the objects and pursuits themselves. its hard to say for sure whether this is even exceptionally bad, this tendency.

its a lot easier to fix something when you can see it.
- de el Infinite Jest

also reading: Fantasmas de Dean Koontz...all in spanish..go me.

a more proper update to come...
stellar lady:: Anonymous 12:57 PM [+] ::
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si, mad props to my nat. go uic flame! mah stellar ladies..your creativity will flow and change the world...

"long have you timidly waded holding a plank by the shore, now i will you to be a bold swimmer, to jump off in the midst of the sea, rise again, nod to me, shout, and laughingly dash with your hair." Walt Whitman

i love it here...i can feel my life.

just look and see..
up
against
the sky.

some days flow.
some days really just dont.
this is your life in progress.
feel your life.
trust the story.
stay on your own side.
wear your own colors.
feel your life.
fill your journal...

spill forth yourself.

"all the arts we practice are apprenticeship. the big art is our life" M.C. Richards
stellar lady:: Anonymous 6:59 AM [+] ::
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yo yo yo....so i'm finally gettin' some poems published...hehe...well it's only at uic but hey it's a start, eh?

this one is somehow too emotional for me to finish so i had to end it short.....i'll probably add more on later.


half way home
In a half-lit room

souls are dying and healing
simultaneously
the senses of the body replenish
pain is the first to come
comfort seeps through
a broken window
in the form of unrecognizable cries
the mind forced to learn
the difference between want and need

half way home
half way home

may God give you strength.

***
this one is for u pete....i still hate it :-)


i watch him like i do the stars
Amazed, in awe

captivated by his words
drenched in optimism
he has not befriended pain
merely shook hands and passed by
he walks gently in the footsteps of angels

i watch him like i do the stars
Curious, adoringly

to him things are perfectly flawed
beautiful reality in every laugh
he moves to a beat
within himself

i watch him like i do the stars
Mesmerized.


***


we casually talked
as our souls danced.
nervous glances
meeting one another’s eyes
green, speckled with bronze and gold
didn’t catch your name
I was too busy preparing mine
a pause between subjects
unawkward as our bodies connect
touchless intercourse
deeper than the contact
of our unlike pigments
neither of us seized the day
our fingers crossed
as we walked separate ways
searching through the crowds
hoping ruthless fate
will be kind to two connected souls



stellar lady:: naughti 11:49 PM [+] ::
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the walls have ears
but nobody hears
when nobodys around.

current location: Madrid...mi casa segunda
music on the mind: Coldplay

If you ever feel neglected,
If you think that all is lost,
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah,
Hoping everything's not lost.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 8:02 AM [+] ::
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On Amsterdam, Holland

this place is surprisingly beautiful. minus the red light district, the city has so much character. i visited the anne frank museum. while it was depressing, it was a large dose of truth. everyone is chill here, as you may have guessed. but i've met a lot of amazing people in the past week, both in italy and here. i will be forever grateful. stellar ladies; wish you were here
stellar lady:: Anonymous 5:41 AM [+] ::
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hey pimpette over there....put those tongue muscles to rest a little....hahaha.....j/k....well not really...just be careful...


stellar lady:: naughti 6:39 PM [+] ::
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post deleted due to the drunken content. intoxicated posts are so embarrassing in retrospect...i should not be allowed near computers while lush...haha...that was the most incoherent night ive had in awhile...bah, it was fun...well, this is my last day in rome...then im off to amsterdam...what crazy times these are...
stellar lady:: Anonymous 6:05 PM [+] ::
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all is well...thanks to our saviour at this internet place...we have a much better hostel....its so crazy to me how things happen...but im learning that no matter where i am and no matter what happens, i can take care of myself. its a great feeling.

caio
stellar lady:: Anonymous 1:49 PM [+] ::
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On Rome, Italy

it is raining here. we have to switch hostels, we are attempting to do this now. the architecture is unbelievable. i will write more later...

mucho amor
stellar lady:: Anonymous 11:26 AM [+] ::
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One day they hold you in the
Palms of their hands, gentle, as if you
Were the last raw egg in the world. Then
They tighten up. Just a little. The
First squeeze is nice. A quick hug.
Soft into your defenselessness. A little
More. The hurt begins. Wrench out a
Smile that slides around the fear. When the
Air disappears.
Your mind pops, exploding fiercely, briefly,
Like the head of a kitchen match. Shattered.
It is your juice
That runs down their legs. Staining their shoes.
When the earth rights itself again,
And taste tries to return the to the tongue,
Your body has slammed shut. Forever.
No keys exist.

-maya angelou-excerpt from "Men"

stellar lady:: naughti 12:13 PM [+] ::
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hell yeah sam!!!!!
all i have to say is that mist sucks big time!!!!! if u don't know what i'm talking about, come to the great city of chicago on a snowy/rainy day and experience mist just making entire body cold and wet. imagine the cool stations in great america except instead of needing to cool off by the mist, you're freezing with a wool hoody pulled over your head.
f*** lollapalooza......ok here's the deal. first of all the only acts worth seeing are J5 and incubus. it's at a huge venue in which they'll probably each only perform for around 30 min. so a total of 60 minutes that will actuallly be enjoyable. ok ...u ready??!!! .....here's capital america to it's fullest....tickets are 50 bucks. sorry ladies but i'm not going....mostly out of pride...if u still want to go sam...let me know i'll get u ticket.


stellar lady:: naughti 12:26 PM [+] ::
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Destination para semana santa(for sure this time): Rome, Italy y Amsterdam

the flights are booked and everything! i leave this thursday! i cant belive i´m actually doing this.....teehee! check back for updates...
stellar lady:: Anonymous 5:55 AM [+] ::
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The Big Picture

The picture is far too big to look at kid. Your eyes won't open wide enough and you are constantly surrounded by that swirling stream of what is and what was. Well, we've all made our predictions but the truth still isn't out. So if you want to see the future, go stare into a cloud.And keep trying to find your way out of that maze of memories. It all sort of looks familiar, but then you get up close and it's different. clearly. Each time you turn a corner, you are right back to where you were and your only hope is that forgetting might make a door appear.Is it your fear of being buried that makes you so afraid to speak? An avalanche of opinions like the one that feel that I am now underneath. It was my voice that moved the first rock and I would do it all again. So, I mean, it's cool if you keep quiet, but I like singing.So I'll be holding my note and stomping and strumming and feeling so very lucky. There is nothing I know except that this lifetime is just one moment and wishing will just leave me empty. So you can try and live in darkness but you will never shake the light. It will greet you every morning and make you more aware with its absence at night, when you are wrapped up in your blanket baby, that comfortable cocoon. But I have seen the day of your awakening boy and it's coming soon.So go ahead and loose yourself in liquor and you can praise the clouded mind but it isn't what you are thinking it's the course of history, your position in line. You are just a piece of the puzzle so I think you had better find your place. And don't go blaming your knowledge on some fruit you ate. Because there has been a great deal of discussion, yes, about the properties of man. Animal or angel? You were carved from bone, but your heart it's just sand. And the wind is going to scatter it and cover everything with love...this veil, it has been lifted. My eyes are wet with clarity. I have been a witness of such wonders. Oh, I have searched for them all across this country but I think I'll be returning now to the town where I was born. And I understand you must keep moving friend, but I am heading home.I'm gonna follow the road and let the scenery sweeping by easily enter my body. I'll send you all this message in code, under ground, over mountains, through forests, deserts and cities. All across the electric wire, it's a baited line. The hook is in deep boys, there is no more time. So you can struggle in the water and be too stubborn to die, or you could just let go and be lifted to the sky...

Bright Eyes
stellar lady:: Anonymous 3:17 PM [+] ::
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i just realized i lost an hour......i normally could careless but i have to study my arse off for a bio test tomorrow...in which the class average for the first two test was around a 50%. so why is it that i'm here and not in front of my massive book?....yo no se.


stellar lady:: naughti 11:28 AM [+] ::
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possible travel destination para semana santa: Neuwied, Germany

chechechecheche...
stellar lady:: Anonymous 1:35 PM [+] ::
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On Madrid, Spain

this will have to be short...no tengo mucho tiempor ahora, pero...¿donde empiezo? i havent even been here a week and i dont think i ever want to leave...classes have begun and will be easy for the mostpart...no hay mucha tarea....my host family is fabulous...just like surrogate parents...they have two boys...saul who is 14 and adrian who is 9...they rule....and the nightlife? you think you know...but you have no idea....los españoles are crazy....the discotecas go all the way till six oclock in the morning...the drinking age is 18 here...needless to say that has been taken full advantage of...sorry this is short...more on madrid later...

much love to all...

`sta luego
stellar lady:: Anonymous 4:41 AM [+] ::
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