:: Idle Neurosis ::

:: Friday, July 30, 2004 ::

my oh my...it's already the end of july!

right now i am temping and a corn seed company in El Paso, IL. needless to say, death has become an option when taking into consideration the corporate world. if i'm not already on my way to some serious health conditions from sitting in this cubicle.

well, not really.but this experience has led me to a realization...i don't know if i can do any old 9-5(or 8-4:30 if you will).i think i would end up slitting my throat or something. i don't just want to be driven by money. some people are ok with going in, doing there work, leaving and collecting their payjob at the end of the week. their motivation is money. thier job isn't what they really want to do and while it may not be horrible, it's not the best but they put up w/ it cuz they get a nice paycheck. i can't do this. yes i will be gettin some cash money today but the agony of this week isn't worth it. some people are okay by working solely so they get money. that is what i'm doing right now, and it bothers the fuck out of me.

this entier week has been draining...it makes me nervous about becoming someone who just goes through the motions of working an 8 hour day, doing a job that isnt satisfying to themselves and on a large scale, does not make a difference...i'm coming to see that a lot of people who graduate from college enter the workforce in that type of job. there is nothing>wrong with a 9-5 office job...i just know for sure nowi wouldn't be satisfied with it. i want a job that i enjoy overall, that challenges me, and works my creativity. i know i will never find a job where things always run smoothly; i would like a job that i am proud of, makes a difference in peoples lives, and that really stretches my mind, and makes me a better person. i would like to meet people that are like myself and challenge me in my work and to be a better person. sometimes this all sounds like wishful thinking...but i'm really going to work my ass off to get a job that i love.

in conjunction to this depressing temp job...i have a polar opposite opportunity that has shed some light on this dark week. i am beyond thrilled because i am interning for the wonderful
SAbriNa~!~ She is absolutely one of my favorite authors/artists and i'm really praying that this internship will be a foot in the door into (a) working for sabrina (b) the art scene (c) a move to california and (d) a new network of amaZing REAL people. now, the art scene, just like the music scene, can be very elitist and hard to deal with. but what i'm doing now is nothing like that...and this is the avenue that i would love to stick with.

So i've been working on projects for sabrina. last week i was busy busy with paul's final portfolio for his photo 2 class(you can see his portfolio that i'm in for his photo 1 class on my myspace profile...if you haven't joined myspaceyet...getoinit. you're falling behind...

And tonight we start shooting for my friend J's movie...it is called Late Afternoon of the Living Dead...a zombie movie, yes; but J is a phenomenal writer and my friends are extremely technically inclined...i think it will be a great production. i am starring as the goth girl...and i get to live in the end...which means i get to be in the next one...how much does that rule.

my infamous 21 is coming up. godammit i'm getting old.

i should get back to work...i will most likely be fired for this.

well, not really

currently reading: The Anxiety of Everyday Objects
musiconthebrain: Joss Stone; Fell in Love with a Boy
just finished: house sitting for Paul's parents. got to hang out with 4 cats all week :)

i must be fine cuz my heart's still beating.



stellar lady:: Anonymous 10:40 AM [+] ::
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