:: Idle Neurosis ::

:: Thursday, January 30, 2003 ::

i came across this article today which immediately reminded me of a conversation i had last semester regarding minivans. it summarizes my thoughts quite nicely on the subject. minivans, in my humble opinion, are the appitomy of social suicide by giving in to society's standards.here i will elaborate more on this article and where my strong distate came from:

i despise minivans. everything about them. from the fact that every other car you see on the road is a minivan to all the quote unquote different styles and features they offer when essentially; they are all the same carbon copy model to how minivans seem to almost seem to be a part of the package when purchasing a home in a suburb. and you will never find a minivan driving at a normal speed. the moms(and my sympathy goes out to them for they were sucked into the trap of purchasing such a vehicle and have obviously been brainwashed by not only all the sickening commercials; but the cheesy, paid on commission car salesmen who suckered them in because it is the "best choice for the safety and comfort of a growing family") are either creeping along the road; overcompensation for the feel the need to protect their children or are fucking speeding like hell, about to run you over because they are late picking up their kids from swimming lessons off to the next activity they have them engaged in. the second scenario is the worse of the two. moms like this will have no problem running you, in or out of your car, over because anyone between the age of 15 to 25 are threats to their little commodities and their perfect existence. because, ya know, everyone in that age group is on massive amounts of drugs and seeks out to corrupt children under the age of 12. i mean, isnt that everyone's goal once they hit puberty?.

but i must not forget the men, because men do get behind the wheel on minivans. usually, if it is a family outing or vacation, the man of the household will drive. otherwise, i honestly dont see it happen that often. i do know of one exception tho. i have a friend who works for a company that sells cigars and tabacco in the chicagoland area and mainly the northern suburbs. while working for them, the company offered him a minivan for performing his job but also his personal use and main mode of transporation. he uses it because it is the most economically sound choice for his bank account. free vehicle, free gas, he does not have to pay for maintenance. so this choice is acceptable. this may be true for a handfull of working men, where a minivan is a company vehicle and needed to complete their job. tho this may be the case, it doesnt mean we wont give them shit about it.

the last case of a man driving a minivan would be the really frightening ones. ex; my boss at work. he drives around in a white minivan, with his cheap sunglasses, and looks like a first class child molester on the prowl. especially being in the flower businiess and having to drive slow in neighborhoods with children really doesnt help his case any. i wouldnt doubt if he was a pettifile. while no passes or anything have been made at me or my co-workers, he has been spotted by the local highschool when school lets out. this does not surprise me though. the man obviously has no shame, as his viagra pills are delivered to the store. but thats besides the point. he is a classic case of a scary man in a minivan.

simple solution: sport utility vehicles...not that they are much better(the sickening plague of SUV's in suburbia... and how the majority of drivers turn cocky not only because they feel they are the king/queen of the road, but mainly their attitude is attributed to a deficiency in another lacking area and there is a need to overcompensate. note: this is not true in all cases, so please take no offense for if you are reading this, you are probably not part of the majoritry.) but they are definitely a rung up on the ladder. i do know many families who have fell victim to this cultural phenomenon, and my heart goes out to you. dont worry; i still love you but take no offense as i may decilne to ride in your van which has been minified.

but i hereby declare that i will NEVER be seen behind the wheel of a minivan; nonetheless be an owner of one. i refuse to give in. if by some catastrophic occurence you find this case to be true; take pity on my soul. assume that a year of drugging and brainwashing has occured and send me off to the local hospital for detoxation and rehabilitation. the only other excusable case scenario that could be is t i have committed a henious crime and since minivans are so commonplace on the road, making them the easiest getaway vehicle, i am trying to escape police custody. if this appears to be the case, you dont know me and you never saw me.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 2:44 PM [+] ::
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