:: Idle Neurosis ::

:: Monday, December 02, 2002 ::

The Casualty

first i just want to clarify to clear up any confusion; i put quotes such as those by maynard to evoke emotions inside of those who read this blog. i dont necessarily put them there because they are what i believe, but because i believe it is good to reassess and question what you believe...strong/bold/extreme statements challenge your thought processes. after analyzation; it will either bring you to agree with their point of view or strengthen the foothold in your own beliefs...i'm just offering opposing viewpoints to the norm, another way to look at things.

its good to consider other points of view...life is about opening up to new worlds and redefining who you are and what you stand for. you realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained in your psyche...and you begin to sift through all the bull shit you've been fed and eventually reach a point where you discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown; or should have never bought into in the first place.

today was my last lecture for my literay narrative class...it really makes me sad. that was probably by far the best class of the semester...if not all i have taken here at ISU. my professor and grad student teacher ruled. its one of those classes where i'm going to take a lot with me. it reminded me a lot of literary themes(previously known as independent lit) from highschool; except here the course readings are chosen for you. which isnt necessarily a bad thing. i think its good to be forced to read books under which normal circumstances you wouldnt read. it broadens your horizons. thats provided you take the time to free read at all, you lazy bastards. ha, i guess i shouldnt talk shit tho. i'm guilty of unopened books myself.

reading is a god like science. this material gives you knowledge; useful knowledge. for we should not be suckered by what the government is feeding us. resist and defy; i dont want to be a pawn. neither should you.

regarding the pursuit of forbidden knowledge; the opinions diverge. everyone wants it but some things should be kept from the human race. Jay Robert Oppenheimer; creator of the atomic bomb, would agree that we should restrict our curiosity. because my god, what have we done?

we are reading frankenstein in my lit class..much different from the movie. note: frankenstein is the creator of the monster, not the monster itself. i understood this after i missed that question which seemed blatantly obvious because of backround info i had accumulated in my childhood. but i must remember; all is not as it seems. also, i should probably read the texts before i go to class. but frankenstein and his monster are both on the verge of madness. the creator is self-devoted. the creature is selfish. in order to make what you want you must destroy what is already there. now, the big cosmic question. for, we are here, right? so why are we capable of hurt? of suffering? why should we have this ability of emotion? now, whether you believe in a god or believe we are here by natural selection or soem other random process, why cant we just be happy? if you belive in god, why would a good god allow us to hurt? if we are here by evolution, where the fuck did these emotions come from? all valid questions i suppose. maybe its all based on perception. but none the less the biggest bummer is inevitable. its that you're going to die.

its all madness and insanity...the differentiation between waking life and dream life. i mean, how do we know we're not dreaming? memeories are the dreams that are mistaken for reality. we think we know what past is, but do we? can we really distinguish these things? when the story ends, frankenstein has learned nothing. he is no wiser than at the beginning.

a man once said to the universe,
"sir, i exist."
"however," replied the universe, "the fact has created in me no sense of obligation."

Updates:
1. my flight is booked for spain...i'm outta here march 28....babooya!
2. figured out my major/minor situation. as much as i would love to do a minor in english as well; i would be here probably another three years more than necessary....so its boiled down to a major in International Communications with a minor in spanish...my minor will be completed when i return from spain and in two years, spring of 2005; i will have myself a degree. note to self: turn in application to mass comm department before next week.

spacing out with:Cursive; Shallow Means, Deep Ends

alright, i'm going to be productive now. yeah right, no i'm not. fuckers.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 10:50 PM [+] ::
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