:: Idle Neurosis ::

:: Saturday, November 09, 2002 ::

What is past is prologue

Every little trifle, for some reason, does seem incalculably important today and when you say of a thing that "nothing hangs on it", it sounds like blasphemy. there's never any knowing--how am i to put it?-- which of our actions, which of our idlenesses wont have things hanging on it for ever.
--E.M. Forster, Where Angels Fear to Tread

~attending to endless needs and needless ends,
and dont ever underestimate people, dont ever underestimate the pleasure they receive from viewing pain that is not thier own, from delivering bad news, watching bombs fall on television, from listening to stifled sobs from the other end of the phone line. pain by itself is just pain. but pain + distance can = entertainment, voyeruism, human interest, cinéma vérité, a good belly chuckle, a sympathetic smile, a raised eyebrow, disguised contempt.

Night's darkness is a bag that bursts with the gold of the dawn

television- in short, nothing but an apparition. a ghostly daguerreotype formed from the quicksilver imagination, preserved by the salt solution of tears.

he stood schizophrenic; he did not require a passport to live in two places at once.
whatever she believed was not formed by faith but carved from certainty.

you're out of depth- everyone has to be taught a lesson. either everything is sacred or nothing is. everyone gets whats coming, sooner or later.
~KARMA~

nothing changes here, things are only retold, remembered. its all about time. not just its stillness but the pure, brazen amount of it, quantity rather than quality. something to rationalize, to explain, why one would keep returning, to the same miserable scenario. but time is what it comes down to. after you've spent a certain amount, invested so mush of it in one place, your credit rating booms and you feel like breaking the chronological bank. you feel like staying in the place until it pays you back all the time you gave it--even if it never will.

for them; it was really all about being the witness, being the expert. they went there because they knew that place. inside and out. but; if you cant explain to your kid why glass will shatter at certain impacts but not others, if you cant understand how a balance can be struck between democratic secularism and religious belief within the same state, or you cant recall the circumstances in which germany was divided--then it must feel good to at least know one particular place, one particular period, from firsthand experience, eyewitness reports; to be the authority, to have time on your side, for once.

no offense meant. of course; my opinion's not the fucking word of god, as it were, but it's still my opinion~

Currently Reading: White Teeth

i've been doing some free reading lately, which is nice; but i should really be spending that time on required readings and writings...
i'm happy to be having four months off. sometimes you just get sick of working so hard all the time. but enough of that talk. all is well; i'm just trying to keep my nose clean and my ass out of trouble.

a distance is establishing itself, between those who stay indoors and those who run riot outside.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 8:40 PM [+] ::
...