:: Idle Neurosis ::

:: Thursday, October 31, 2002 ::

i want to be a snotty-nose kid again and freeze my butt off going from house to house....but since i can't i'll have fun with my fellow blogger...sam wish you were here. but it sounds like you'll be having some fun...tinkerbell is my favorite!
stellar lady:: naughti 5:40 PM [+] ::
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2 yards of green material for dress: $2
2 pieces of felt for shoes: $.52
White yarn for poofballs on shoes: $1.95
Wings and Wand: $1
Purple hair glitter: $1.29

freezing my ass off tonight when i wear my hand crafted tinkerbell costume: priceless
stellar lady:: Anonymous 2:26 PM [+] ::
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thought i'd take a break, just finished a paper in which i analyzed the education, work, and wages of the women of mexico, PTLNAF*. and i might as well compose my "To Do" list; so here goes;

To Do; (and this is in relative order of due dates and what not)

-fill out spain paperwork and work on the homework; due next monday...i need to get passport size pics
-work on body politics project for womens...the presentation is wed the 6th, the paper due wed the 8th...my group is meeting on the 5th to practice presentation and write paper
-apply to mass comm...go to ucla so they can review my essay once i finish it and angela wrote me back to i can finally do my plan of study which goes along with that
-talk to financial aid..i emailed someone in the department but they havent written back...but talk to them about spain, the apartment for next year
-see if scholarship covers summer school
-start thinking about jobs for when i come home to save money for spain and for rent
-think about what jobs i can get when i am here for the summer
-start investigating possible internships/jobs with State Farm or AIG
-look into volunteer work
-laundry!!!! this will be a necessity soon
-clean my side of the room
-all my other miscellaneous hw that i need to have done, spanish homework, lit homework analyzing the book i didnt read b/c it was unbearable boring regarding the queer theory, read for american diversity, read for geology, read for womens...
-my geology field trip is this saturday
-get notes online for my lit class
-update my checkbook/notebook
-return my cdplayer/run errands, get halloween costume and miscellaneous things like a plain shirt so sara can print me a puma logo on it
-try to find time to work out
-get more sleep
-try to keep in touch with everyone via email, telephone calls, letters(you're right nat, this should be at the top)
-try to breathe and find time for myself

maybe this whole affinity for procrastination is the reason why nothing gets crossed out. the realization that i am not going to be here next semester really hit me today. there is only six weeks left of this semester, and then i move all my shit out. these will be the last six weeks i will be spending in the dorms...its bittersweet...and to clarify for everyone; i will be living back in naperville december through march...i leave for spain the end of march and return around june 20...it will be at this point when i move into my apartment(yaaaaaaya!!) and will be permanently residing in Blormal and taking summer school...i cant wait...but i will enjoy the four month break of no school at home...and i will enjoy even more my three months in spain. it scares the shit out of me when i think about it sometimes but i must remind myself the words of kent nerburn...

"if we dont offer ourselves to the unknown, our sense dull. our world becomes small and we lose our sense of wonder. our eyes dont lift to the horizon; we dont hear the sounds around us. the edge is off our experience and we pass our days in a routine that is both comfortable and limiting. we wake up one day and find that we have lost our dreams in order to protect our days~never let yourself become one of those people."

ahhhh i'm goin to have to put off more writing until later...must start studying for my geology lab exam and attempt other homework which was not completed...

Note;
*praise the lord now and forever-in case you didnt know what it stood for....i dont know; i picked it up from cleveland :)

Currently Consuming: Trendy Coffee Drink...the caffiene is proping up my eyelids
Spacing out with: Radiohead; I like Schwen

remember;
when you procrastinate; you choose last.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 12:52 AM [+] ::
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i keep making these "To Do" lists but nothing gets crossed out.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 12:36 AM [+] ::
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convenience is selfish. it is the tool for the lazy and the people who just don't care. don't half-ass the important things in life, such as family, friends, spirituality, among the many. we all have the same things going on in life....we all have problems...we all have too much to do with too little time....but we shouldn't neglect the real things in life.....the things that make us better human beings. I keep forgetting that school isn't everything...in fact, it is so far from anything. the people and things you love are the things you will recall later in your life...they are the things that will make you smile in your old age....they are the things that keep us sane....so put them first on you "to do" list.
stellar lady:: naughti 10:39 PM [+] ::
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ahhhhh....my brain is in overload
5 fucking essays
my brain is going to explode,
and yes i do have an affinity for the work fuck...

say Fuck like other people say The
and when they are shocked
ask them why they fear
a small quartet of letters

i'm tired of analyzing the fuckups of America...i have to prepare 5 essays and the professor is only going to pick two of them...arg, all this time spent...and its hard to concentrate with lots of inviting distractions, the daydreams of my mind, and the worries/reminders of all the shit that needs to be thought out and accomplished within such a short amount of time....sometimes i wonder how i handle it all....sometimes i wish i was six.

i'm tired of this sensory overload where i push myself to extremes...my misconstrued perception envolopes me at times...and i try not to trip but i get lost in the midst of it all...i'm just bouncing issues off walls, flipping souls to see which side will come up.

i hope to get through this lighthearted emotion unbroken and bring something more entertaining to the table...but for now, go ahead and live in your world of black and white...i'll be off in the gray area...and no, i'm not going to give you directions on how to get there.

and if i sold my soul for a bag of gold, to you, which one of us would be the foolish one?
stellar lady:: Anonymous 10:43 PM [+] ::
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fucking fuck
i hate computers
stellar lady:: Anonymous 8:36 PM [+] ::
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my riddle for the night....

i can't touch the wind
but it caresses me
twirling my hair, enveloping my body
like the wind
transparent
i know you are there
i saw you in her eyes
in his smile as he thought of you
they say you exist
they swore to me
i thought you were knocking once
but it was the lonesome wind
you'll find me when i've forgotten to look
but i'll feel your amazing presence
a light, cool breeze on a warm summer night
stellar lady:: naughti 10:44 PM [+] ::
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another quote worth mentioning...this time compliments of my bro...

"Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed through a slow vibration, we are all one conciousness experiencing itself subjectively, life is only a dream and we are the imaginations of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather"-Bill Hicks
stellar lady:: Anonymous 8:09 PM [+] ::
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compliments of cleveland

Quote of the Day:

"Easy?! You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there: teeth placement, & jaw stress, & suction, & gag reflex - & all the while bobbing up & down, & moaning, & trying to breathe thru our noses! Easy?! Honey - they don't call it a job for nothing."
-Sex and the City (Samantha)
stellar lady:: Anonymous 7:40 PM [+] ::
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i've figured it out

"do you ever look back?

all the time. thats my problem. i'm sentimental about my fuckups."
stellar lady:: Anonymous 9:27 AM [+] ::
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Quote of the day:

I feel sorry for people who don't drink.
When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
--Frank Sinatra

Lines of Wisdom for the Day:

1. Prove them wrong
2. Do not get in the way of who you are
3. Never promise more than you are willing to give.
4. Stop thinking about things that worry you.
5. Enjoy the things that go great together...like cookies and milk, peanut butter and jelly, pizza and beer

one that cleveland and i do not agree with..."being tired is just a state of mind"....ha, thats a load of crap...if it was just a state of mind we would have mastered that shit a long time ago and been able to properly utilize the daylight hours by attending class and crossing things out on out "to do" lists instead of sleeping it all away.

ahhh the ambiguity of it all...
having two right hands is better than having two left feet
huh?
there's a big fatty bo batty double negative in your face...

what is the human being aware of? if they are not aware, is their happiness valid?
if you dont know/understand....do you believe?
i'm in limbo; pressed to pick one interpretation.

we're falling back this weekend...daylight savings time ends....that fourth dimension which manipulates our existence. because really, how do we get a grip on time? what is it? its exceedingly difficult to decipher...we do things to 'save time'...i mean, quick...put it in your pocket. i've never been able to do something special with saved time...its unstoppable...maybe its the problem...for we only live in the present.

go out some door you came in by.

its found again!
what?
eternity.
it is the sea mixed with the sun.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 12:42 AM [+] ::
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maybe this time?

TAKING BACK SUNDAY
12-18 Chicago, IL Metro
w/ The Starting Line, The Reunion Show, Northstar

...i promise a more in depth post sometime soon...

don't waste yourself in reflection.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 12:30 AM [+] ::
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congrats to sam! although i never doubted you. i'm going to be non-existent for the next three days...wish me luck.
stellar lady:: naughti 9:10 PM [+] ::
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Spain...here i come!
stellar lady:: Anonymous 7:47 PM [+] ::
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the book: the pilot's wife

the word: reciprocal (remind me to tell you his pronounciation)

my mind is at ease
stellar lady:: Anonymous 3:16 PM [+] ::
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when you start to paint a picture of the love you want, you will fail to find it. we all do it...we create the way our lovers will look, the way they will look at us, the way they will hold us. we create our own fairytales only to find that the ending isn't so happily ever after. we may not find the the picture perfect love portrayed in movies or books, but we will obtain something suprisingly sweeter in a different form.

amen to sam's blog...
stellar lady:: naughti 5:13 PM [+] ::
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quite rightly...all the rules have been broken...
to be relieved of love, is to give up a terrible burden...
but,

love with enough recklessness and generosity to make it real.
if that makes any sense.
its two opposite ends of the spectrum.
but i guess thats how its suppose to be.
pain is one of the ways we register in memory the things that vanish, that are taken away.
but,
perhaps it's best to live with the possibilty that around any corner, at any time, may come a person who reminds you of your own capacity to surprise yourself, to put at risk, everything thats dear to you, who reminds you of the distances we have to bridge to begin to know anything about one another, who reminds you that what seems to be- even about yourself- may not be...that like him, you need to be forgiven...

....do you hear it? its the music of romantics, ignorant to any history but their own...

stellar lady:: Anonymous 3:27 AM [+] ::
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always learn poems by heart.
they have to become the marrow in your bones.
like flouride in the water,
they'll make you soul impervious to the world's soft decay.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 2:37 PM [+] ::
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i dont have time for this shit...i've got a midterm today and a midterm tomorrow.
not to mention a ton of other shit
hence, i will be MIA for awhile...

open mouth, insert gun...

realoneplayer: ~incubus~ 11 AM
stellar lady:: Anonymous 10:19 AM [+] ::
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i lay awake, in awe of your creative essence. i want to be consumed by your being. pure genious. i applaude you. cheers.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 12:12 AM [+] ::
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twiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisted.....
.....ice tea that is...

its three AM and i want to go to beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed...

Band on the Brain: O.A.R

numb, passing out into the other side of oblivion...
stellar lady:: Anonymous 3:05 AM [+] ::
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home...a sigh of relief...
i can breathe again.
touch base and clarify whats really important.

all the secrets and mistakes that were made...

its time to wipe the slate clean and start over.

music on my mind: Hot Rod Circuit; At Nature's Mercy
stellar lady:: Anonymous 1:52 AM [+] ::
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excuse my political nature for a moment...but we are on our way to war with a country we have no business attacking. bush gave a speech to a small cheering crowd in cinncinatti in an attempt to make the U.S. look like the victims in this situation with Iraq. but the only victims in this situation are the people of Iraq who have nothing to eat because of the sanctions placed on their country by the U.S. victims are innocent and by no means is the U.S. innocent. and i don't find it necessary to send my friends who are in the military to fight for a problem we created....do some research and you'll realize we are at fault for the majority of the problems we are trying to fight...greed is at the root of these problems. "the whole world is watching".....and the whole world is against the U.S. taking action....and then we wonder why we don't have the respect of the international community.
stellar lady:: naughti 11:24 PM [+] ::
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don't believe in God....study astronomy. it's amazing how every orbit, every rotation, every star and planet is so perfectly synchronized.
stellar lady:: naughti 10:34 PM [+] ::
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according to the webster's collegiate dictionary;
insomnia is the prolonged and usually abnormal inability to obtain adequate sleep.

...sleep...sleep...
god, its 5:07 in the morning and i'm still awake.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 5:07 AM [+] ::
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Random Thoughts to aid in my Procrastination:

1. I dont feel like analyzing my household division of labor for my women gender and society class.
2. My elbows are dry...i should put lotion on them.
3. Yay! i'll be home on thurs :)
4. I must not forget that i have an appointment with my academic advisor between literary narrative and geology tomorrow.
5. I dont want to get my test back for American Diversity on thurs.
6. I'm anxious to find out if i'm going to Spain. This anxiousness contributes to my ADHD.
7. Shit, i just remembered that i have spanish homework due tomorrow. fuck.
8. It's going to be a very late night...and of course of all the nights in the week,its the one preceeding an eight oclock class.
9. I went running with amers and cleveland today. we've been running a couple of times a week, go us!
10. Ahh! i'm seeing Incubus on sunday!!! yaaaaaya!

Currently consuming: Trendy Coffe Drink. ie; Starbucks Frappucino(to aid in my analyzation of my household division of labor.)
Currently listening to: Saves The Day; Firefly
stellar lady:: Anonymous 10:58 PM [+] ::
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i set you apart
but you just wanted to blend...
...another dull shade on the canvas
will you fade like the rest?


stellar lady:: naughti 10:51 PM [+] ::
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Quote of the Day:
"all i want is a weekend boyfriend!!!!!!!"
~jackie
stellar lady:: Anonymous 8:17 PM [+] ::
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"I feel so sorry for the younger generation being turned on to music right now. I wonder if they're being offered anything that's that good. Or if they even know how good things can be ... It may sound like I'm just some old guy bitching about how much better things were in my day. But the truth is, they were."

-- TOM PETTY in the New York Daily News

thanks skibicki
stellar lady:: Anonymous 6:43 PM [+] ::
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you reach a point sometimes when you need to reasses everything thats going on in your life. to figure out whats really important; what matters, what doesnt. and i've reached that point. i am weak when it comes to certain things. that needs to change.

i'm sick of drama.
and watch out, you dont know how much trouble i am.

realplayer: Pink Floyd; Comfortably Numb

never be bullied into silence
never allow yourself to be made a victim
accept no one's definition of your life;
define yourself.

ok, just a little pin prick.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 4:12 PM [+] ::
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"the trouble is that we have a bad habit, encouraged by pedants and sophisticates, of considering happiness as something rather stupid. Only pain is intellectual, only evil interesting. This is the treason of the artist: a refusal to admit the banality of evil and the terrible boredom of pain.....Happiness is based on a just discrimination of what is necessary, what is neither necessary nor destructive, and what is destructive." -Ursula K. Le Guin- "The Ones who walk away from Omelas" -this is from a short story that is kind of strange...but has an incredible underlying meaning.
currently--sucking on a cherry coughdrop (just want to know who keeps getting me sick), talking to huff, and typing.
what i should be doing--studying for my astronomy midterm.


stellar lady:: naughti 10:30 PM [+] ::
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"life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep."
ha, true that.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 1:01 AM [+] ::
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