:: Idle Neurosis ::

:: Monday, September 30, 2002 ::

The Talking Cure

more or less the writing cure...either way it has no truth value; either way its not importatnt...anyways, i'm sitting in my dorm room sweating my ass off right now...for some reason ISU residence halls came to the conclusion that it would be smart to run the air conditioning according to the days on the calendar; not to the weather outside...so as it peaks 80 degrees today and slowly decreases in incriments of one degree per hour, i am here feeling gross; with no coolness or airflow except for my pathetic fan which creates as much of a breeze as a fly would, and the minute breezes which grace their way through the opening of my window; approximately the size of one of your hand...(ok, ok maybe two of your hands, but irregardless...it aint doing much)...right now i'm just praying for the first freeze...i cant function on a few hours of uncomfortable, tossing and turning sleep no matter how much coffee i have...looking at the clock and realizing that its almost 5 am and you're still awake is not the most comforting thing.

Money is merely paper...i've always told myself that...but the reality of my economic situation hit me yesterday, as my mother informed me that my scholarship will not cover off-campus housing...motherfucker...i dont understand it...i'm still attending and doing well in school....Young America is affiliated with the university...it just pisses me off...i was relying on that money for rent and food next year...now i'm going to have to come up with something to make ends meet...ill figure it out, i always do...but i need to put my income and expenses into perspective, stop slacking(i havent balanced my checkbook since the summer...i just sorta gave up), and see where my money is going(ie; smoking, drinking, up my nose, etc)...its time to get my ass on a budget...not to say i'm a compulsive spender...i've never bounced a check, i dont use credit cards except for books and other things my parents want me to get ie; my menengitis shot...i'm going to have to do a multiple job deal here...especially since i'll need to start saving for spain...i finally, PTLNAF, got my last recommendation from my spanish teacher today....took her long enough to get it back to me(the deadline for our application is this thurs) and she completely half assed the thing....dont get me started...so i'll turn that in tomorrow...and by the second week in october i should know if i'm going to madrid...everyone keep you fingers crossed. i'll keep ya posted.

yeah, so sometimes i have trouble understanding people...in particular the opposite sex...but i found a very excellent conclusion that naseem came to...that i am one of you...the normal, psychologically sound people. and i just need to screw it and not play the game. its definitely something to contemplate. knowledge gained can initiate a new perspective, you stand in a different position and see the situation from a different angle. a better, more beneficial one.

Nothing obstructs happiness as much as the memory of happiness. What would a narrative of happiness be like? All that can be described is what prepares it, and then what destroys it. Create a frame of structure...think of brackets...go in and out of the temporal perspective you accept as reality. it is restricted and i need some validation, please...because beauty isnt always a positive thing and the proper lighting is brought in by you...

i'm going to tell you the "truth"....yeah, whatever that is...no one can tell you the truth...a thought is a cognition. that is the abstract definition. the physical definition is that they are electrochemical impulses. thats all your thoughts are. how disappointing is that? its hard for us to posit any other realm than matter....we only deal with objective reality....and the realm of "truth" and reality...are they the same? No. do they intersect? Sometimes. truth resides in objective reality, it does not coincide with reality.

beyond all this jargon though...
organize the chaos of your passion.
give style to your character.
become creative.

realplayer: Bright Eyes; A Lover I Dont Have to Love (i cant get it out of my head)

i want a boy who's so drunk he doesnt talk.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 7:12 PM [+] ::
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