:: Idle Neurosis ::

:: Tuesday, September 10, 2002 ::

Revelation

this pretty much sums up what swirls around inside me from day to day

"My creativity yearning to get out as it presses against my fingertips and forehead. Wanting to draw, wanting to paint, wanting to play. Wanting to create the beauty that I can so easily picture, but cannot ever put to form. Sometimes it feels like succeeding at this would destroy me, because it would leave a hollow in my soul. If I could create perfection, I would be doomed to spend the rest of my days staring into it; trying to reclaim it as my own, and refill the void. I would etch out an existence a slave to my own being of creation. If I could be away from it all I would. If only I could escape like they do in books and movies. Never to be truly heard of again from the words “and he lived happily ever after”. To vanish to some unseen paradise to spend eternity trying to give this beauty a form, nameless and shapeless as it is - beyond words. Through music I can just touch it; so perhaps it is beyond a physical form. I would spend the rest of my days in happy insanity trying to manifest this, if the harsh realities of life didn’t weigh me down. A job, a home, a car. Such a cliché. How I despise money, but it is so essential to our being that we cannot remove it, like a cancer of the brain, so deep that no one dares remove because doing so would more than likely be the end. So we leave it there, and it grows, eventually destroying us either way. All hail the almighty dollar: melanoma of the world. But without it, I could not give life to my fancies. My creative thoughts remain forever trapped in the cell, peering out from behind my eyes. It will always be in my mind, but too many people have lost themselves trying to draw it out. Doomed to search in circles. Perhaps perfection comes from the realisation that it does not exist. But I’m so sure it does. Somewhere, like a tiny diamond buried deep in a mountain of charcoal, waiting to be discovered. Just out of reach, but always there. I can’t ever imagine myself in a desk job from here on out. I need to be out creating."

word
stellar lady:: Anonymous 12:32 AM [+] ::
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