:: Idle Neurosis ::

:: Monday, September 30, 2002 ::

The Talking Cure

more or less the writing cure...either way it has no truth value; either way its not importatnt...anyways, i'm sitting in my dorm room sweating my ass off right now...for some reason ISU residence halls came to the conclusion that it would be smart to run the air conditioning according to the days on the calendar; not to the weather outside...so as it peaks 80 degrees today and slowly decreases in incriments of one degree per hour, i am here feeling gross; with no coolness or airflow except for my pathetic fan which creates as much of a breeze as a fly would, and the minute breezes which grace their way through the opening of my window; approximately the size of one of your hand...(ok, ok maybe two of your hands, but irregardless...it aint doing much)...right now i'm just praying for the first freeze...i cant function on a few hours of uncomfortable, tossing and turning sleep no matter how much coffee i have...looking at the clock and realizing that its almost 5 am and you're still awake is not the most comforting thing.

Money is merely paper...i've always told myself that...but the reality of my economic situation hit me yesterday, as my mother informed me that my scholarship will not cover off-campus housing...motherfucker...i dont understand it...i'm still attending and doing well in school....Young America is affiliated with the university...it just pisses me off...i was relying on that money for rent and food next year...now i'm going to have to come up with something to make ends meet...ill figure it out, i always do...but i need to put my income and expenses into perspective, stop slacking(i havent balanced my checkbook since the summer...i just sorta gave up), and see where my money is going(ie; smoking, drinking, up my nose, etc)...its time to get my ass on a budget...not to say i'm a compulsive spender...i've never bounced a check, i dont use credit cards except for books and other things my parents want me to get ie; my menengitis shot...i'm going to have to do a multiple job deal here...especially since i'll need to start saving for spain...i finally, PTLNAF, got my last recommendation from my spanish teacher today....took her long enough to get it back to me(the deadline for our application is this thurs) and she completely half assed the thing....dont get me started...so i'll turn that in tomorrow...and by the second week in october i should know if i'm going to madrid...everyone keep you fingers crossed. i'll keep ya posted.

yeah, so sometimes i have trouble understanding people...in particular the opposite sex...but i found a very excellent conclusion that naseem came to...that i am one of you...the normal, psychologically sound people. and i just need to screw it and not play the game. its definitely something to contemplate. knowledge gained can initiate a new perspective, you stand in a different position and see the situation from a different angle. a better, more beneficial one.

Nothing obstructs happiness as much as the memory of happiness. What would a narrative of happiness be like? All that can be described is what prepares it, and then what destroys it. Create a frame of structure...think of brackets...go in and out of the temporal perspective you accept as reality. it is restricted and i need some validation, please...because beauty isnt always a positive thing and the proper lighting is brought in by you...

i'm going to tell you the "truth"....yeah, whatever that is...no one can tell you the truth...a thought is a cognition. that is the abstract definition. the physical definition is that they are electrochemical impulses. thats all your thoughts are. how disappointing is that? its hard for us to posit any other realm than matter....we only deal with objective reality....and the realm of "truth" and reality...are they the same? No. do they intersect? Sometimes. truth resides in objective reality, it does not coincide with reality.

beyond all this jargon though...
organize the chaos of your passion.
give style to your character.
become creative.

realplayer: Bright Eyes; A Lover I Dont Have to Love (i cant get it out of my head)

i want a boy who's so drunk he doesnt talk.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 7:12 PM [+] ::
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quote of the day:
"i'm a fat kid stuck in a skinny kid's body"
~kenny
stellar lady:: Anonymous 12:20 AM [+] ::
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yo yo....

the weekends come so fast these days...bj and todd from madison are visiting us...we're having a blast....just wanted to drop a line...my girls, i miss ya...i'll give yas a call soon.....mucho amor~

song currently obsessed with: A Lover I Dont Have To Love; Bright Eyes

song currently listening to(theme band for the weekend): Just A Simple Plan; Piebald
stellar lady:: Anonymous 9:16 PM [+] ::
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everything always blends together
stellar lady:: Anonymous 2:42 AM [+] ::
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Life is...an ever-shifting kaleidoscop--a slight change, and all patterns alter. we are going...in one direction when an unforeseen obstacle appears, and we have to swerve out of the way. Suddenly, we are in a different life
~Sharon Salzberg
stellar lady:: Anonymous 11:38 PM [+] ::
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another thing...

Cardinal Sin: if you have a pimped out honda civic...nice rims...a fucking huge ass spoiler...racing strips....most likely a stick shift with vtech...or in other words..basically if you've spent way too much of you parents money on a materialistic item which is in no way a direct reflection of your worth as a human being, you are NOT, and i repeat NOT allowed to blare Dashboard Confesional through your thousand dollar stereo system...you're fucking with the ways of the world, trying to defy gravity or something...just pump so j-lo featuring ja-rule and everything will be right with the world.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 12:07 AM [+] ::
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fucking computer...i just spent so much time writing stuff that had accumulated in my mind and when i hit the post button, the server was last...damn technology...so i'll scrape up what reminants are left in my brain...

please, someone explain to me, why do certain situations occur if there is no point to them? i have always relied on the belief that everything happens for a reason. but i'm not so sure anymore...nothing accomplished, nothing gained except for a glimmer of hope, the kind thats vague to your heart, the kind most difficult to extinguish...hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens...nat, its crazy how we can be so far away but be completely on the same wavelength...finding comfort creating illusions, while sitting with the man-made concept of time...to try to find a cure is to diagnose a blurry x-ray.

why must i go to spain?
because it is there and i am here
stellar lady:: Anonymous 11:44 PM [+] ::
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Note to Naughti:

clean out your mailbox,
your account is full.
i cant send you my shit :)

currently listening to: Taking Back Sunday....cant get enough of it
stellar lady:: Anonymous 8:16 PM [+] ::
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i cant believe that you got starbucks boy's name!
ahhhh...sometimes i get really bored here and miss home.
first thing that comes to mind that i miss: chillin at fat bean with my chicas, absorbing everyone's genius.

"Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere" - Van Wilder
thanks jeff.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 7:27 PM [+] ::
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in reference to sam's blog.....
if i only i could be as strong as you....or at least fool myself into thinking i am capable.
it's so strange how our mind finds comfort in something that's not there....working overtime to make it exist.
without it we feel lost, with it we feel sickly stuffed.

just a little note: starbuck boy's name is nate
poetry boy (mike) hasn't lost his style....train-spotting.
stellar lady:: naughti 6:34 PM [+] ::
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its an unthinking kind of decision,
where waking up means letting go.

yeah, i'm over it.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 5:04 PM [+] ::
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feeling of the moment: haz lo que quieras
translation: do what you want to do.

just be real...right on nat...think about how much simpler life would be if everyone was straight up with one another.

in the cd player: Spoon; Chicago at Night

everybody's at disadvantage, speaking with their second language.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 7:16 PM [+] ::
...

it's strange to believe that your life can change in one moment...until it happens to you. sometimes that alteration in your life is positive other times you wish you could go back in time. one minute, one second, can forever impact your life. to not be able to touch someone who is standing in front of you, when all you want to do is ease their penetrating worries is so difficult. forget about being strong....let's be real for a minute. let's be vulnerable, let's cry and let it out from deep within. i'm really sick of being strong and worrying about everyone else around me. sorry if it seems like i'm talking in code....something has been on my mind lately...just a little free-association writing to ease my mind.
song: fade into you-mazzy star

stellar lady:: naughti 11:34 PM [+] ::
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i'm takin a break from studyin my geology...i never fail to find something else to be doing instead of the task at hand...

another exquisite being: Hurbert Selby

"the visceral experience of the suffering of people- the cruel hallucinations of grace, of peace, of love, of easy street; the wracking ache of sickness, the choking rage of parental/marital/sexual claustraphobia; the tightening screws of paranoid delusion; the pathetic grandoisity of walk-around dreams; and the dread of the inevitable dawn.

life is giving, not getting. to believe that getting stuff is the purpose and aim of life, is madness.

to deny our vision is to sell our soul. getting is living a lie, turning our back on the truth, and visions are glimpses of the truth: obviously nothing external can truly nurture my inner life, my vision.
what happens when i turn my back on my vision and spend my time on the American Dream? i become agitated, uncomfortable in my own skin, because the guilt of abandoning my 'Self/self', of deserting my vision, forces me to apologize for my existence, to need to prove to myself by approaching life as if it's a competition. i have to keep getting stuff in an attempt to appease and satisfy that vague sense of discontent that worms its way through me. yet i know, absolutely, from my experience, that there are no free lunches in life, and eventually we have to accept full and total responsibility for our actions, everything we have dont, and have not done."

album recently purchased: Coldplay; a rush of blood to the head

if you purchase the album(and you definitely should), check out the last page of their insert, 'Politik'. definitely something to think about. mad props.

illusions mistaken for truth are the pavement under our feet
stellar lady:: Anonymous 11:33 PM [+] ::
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yaaaya!!

right now, i officially have signed for my own apartment! fuck yeah! me, sara, amy, and tori will be living on Franklin, right across the train tracks baby! we got great deal too....get this...brand spankin new: carpet, couches, tables, kitchen floor, cabinets, dishwasher, oven, microwave, refridgerator, AND OUR VERY OWN washer and dryer!! there are two sinks inside the bathroom and then outside around the corner are two more sinks with mirrors....so we all get our own sinks hehe...the bedrooms are average...and do you know how much our rent is?.............$265 per person! fucking awesome...and we're not far from the quad at all........aaahhhhh.....reality set in as we were signing the lease...independence gives such a great high...


stellar lady:: Anonymous 4:55 PM [+] ::
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worddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!

i'm back from cali and i had an amazing time. my cousin's wedding was beyond blissful.....the reception was held in the mountains with a view of the city below and other mountains surrounding it. all my mom's sisters and brother, nieces and nephews came from all over the states for the occasion. everyone had an incredible time, and i've never seen my mom so happy.
i've never been more convinced that a marriage was going to work out as i was that day. brian was with my cousin for seven years...they met their sophomore year in high school and have been inseperable ever since. through moving hours away from each other, brian going away to the navy, and both of them going to college they managed to stayed together. when something is so right, why would you let it go? i talked to brain after the wedding and he said that people are always surprised about how long he and michelle have been together, but he said it was never hard for them. he said, "we never had to make it work, it was so easy".

the whole trip went by way too fast......and i'm sad to be home. i had so much fun with all the people i met in cali. sitting on roofs listening to reggae music, dancing all night, spending time with my family.......and now i'm back home putting off work i was supposed to do over the weekend......

stellar lady:: naughti 10:38 PM [+] ::
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many of my posts have been regarding the concepts of love, happiness, and all those intangible whatnots...my literary narrative class is so enlightening...so every monday and wednesday i find something else to say....here's today's string of thoughts...

the ultimate question...
what provides happiness?
love?
when my teacher asked kids in class what made them happy...most expressed the material things in their lives...which is understandable. we are bodies. that is our physical orientation. but its gotta go beyond that...and the scary idea to contemplate is that you could have everything...materialistic, spiritual...and you would never completely be satisfied. because you have a certain level of happiness that can be reached...and once you reach it, you want even more...it seems to be plaguing our generation.

it boils down to the fact that you live life by doing. you can accept or reject things because of enormous/immense experiences you've had. and you'll realize that you need to get out. life causes you to reasses and you learn that "it is good to taste for yourself everything you need to know." this runs parallel with the concept 'dont knock it till you've tried it'.

my teacher also brought up the idea games of any type have become our lives. they are all we have. the highpoint of the week. it is only a game yet it is the most meaningful part. how can 'game' be our lives? my life would be pitiful if it was only a game...
how would you like to be a game piece?
"...but i was as helpless as chess piece when i was lifted up by someone's hand..."

how would the world be if you had to take a test before you became a human being...

suffering is potential. is it meaningless? human nature belives that it must be avoided and escaped. there is physical and worldly suffering. i was reminded today that i have no idea what that kind of suffering is like. i am merely a prisoner of my own thoughts.
yet...suffering...no one is making you.

give me the magic drug doc.

realplayer: bright eyes; from a balance beam
stellar lady:: Anonymous 7:09 PM [+] ::
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"have you learned that there is no such thing as time?

yes, surely this is what you really mean: that the river is everywhere at once, at its source and at its mouth, ath the waterfall, at the ferry, at the rapids, at the sea, in the mountains, everywhere, at the same time, and that it possesses only a present, without any shadow of a future?

There was nothing, there will be nothing; everything is, everything has substantiality and presence."
stellar lady:: Anonymous 12:57 AM [+] ::
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thrasher!

aamaar will end yo09u....
i cant ypte on alaabtop.....
its much harder than a regulart cooputrer.....tosddss fuckin labtop
\i''m much worsst than laat nite...
but we have extgra time so i will conversie with you all on a computer...
show your boobies!@!!!!

take your pants oiofff!!!!

waht we listeneed to at urbvan outfifeeters cursive; great fukcin band


amy is goin tgo graab your cock...so whacht out....

i cant belive that they have an urban outfitters 3 second \s from thheir aapot.....how fuckin amazing....

take it off....
and rememeber

its alright, we're in madison....
we're not in normal anymore......
lesson for the night...
sleep away from todd...so you dont get raped....
busch liight......rock my fuckin world
you with the hat....take of your pantss.............
blormal doesnt comparer...............
goodnite to all
stellar lady:: Anonymous 1:21 AM [+] ::
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current location: madison, wi
current condition: intoxicated

take it to the track!!
stellar lady:: Anonymous 9:44 PM [+] ::
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my good-bye for the weekend

i've decided to work on my horrible sense of direction...you know memorizing the whole north, east, south, west thing...something i should have learned in grade school. so what brought me to this conclusion?.... today i saw a blind kid at school having a hard time getting around campus, so i decided to lend him my arm and direct him.......to make a long story short, i mixed both of us up and started going in the wrong direction....but i did eventually find where he needed to go and i was late to my next class :)

i'm off to amazing long beach tomorrow...i wish i could take all the people i love with me to share the beauty...
time to go pack and get some sleep, hopefully my horrible cold will go away by tomorrow. by the way a compliment goes a long way, so pass them out whenever you can. my friend said i was beautiful today even though i have blood-shot eyes and a runny nose...i personally think he's crazy, but his sincerity made me forget i was sick for a second and smile..... anyway.....who cares right? love you guys so much........
HAPPY B-DAY NIKKI!!!!!!!!! LOVE YA

stellar lady:: naughti 10:51 PM [+] ::
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Natural High

its the tragic irony of it all...to have no more identity...to have it temporarily erased...its this pattern of circus that we all partake in...but its farce...we all know about the fascad...and it keeps us distracted. enough of that..no more distractions...i'm tired of having every thought diverted and left abandoned while i drift off...you may think i'm joking, but i want to go to health services and try to get some riddilin...there's got to be a cure for this...
'memento mori'...enjoy the acute pleasures...enjoy the acuteness of life...i read a story for my literary narrative class and the theme of the story was that; love cant save you...or the other interpretation was that even though it cant save you, love continues on. sometimes i wonder about the authenticity in either of those options...its like riding the circumference of a circle and never quite being able to break it.
samanas seek themselves by getting rid of their former self...run away from yourself...take everything away...strip yourself down to the core....who are you?

tunes: Bottle Of Justus....yeah, they played tonite on the quad...the band is doing well...got to talk to chris...they're recording a new album over the next couple of months...if you have checked my rockstar's site yet, give it a look...they fuckin rock out...i love solid hugs...

i dont even know what to say regarding sep 11...any emotion regarding this tragic event is idle within me now, but ill note that i cant believe a whole year has gone by since this shit went down...when you put things into perspective; life is good.

happy anniversary to my rents!
and happy 20th bday nik! love you and miss you tons!!

and as BOJ ended it tonite...'keep on rockin in the free world'
stellar lady:: Anonymous 12:20 AM [+] ::
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i don't have time to write...but again i'm here.....
i do this every year....the pressure of school hits and i question what the hell i'm doing...where i'm going. i'm never satisfied with learning from biased books written on topics i have no concern for. don't misunderstand me, my eyes have been opened to many worlds of knowledge in my first year of college, i just wish i could find a passion, a drive. with my physics book in hand, i watched a fellow student crossing the street grasping a painting. i will never know how passionate she feels about the artwork she creates, but i yearn to have talent like her. i want to feel like i have a solid direction, but then again does anyone stay on their desired path? i guess i'm asking for a lot....to hold the future in my uncertain hands. the remedy for all things is time.

playing on the cd: coldplay-the scientist (highly reccommend)
sam- did you write the blog under revelation?........it's incredible!
stellar lady:: naughti 7:21 PM [+] ::
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Revelation

this pretty much sums up what swirls around inside me from day to day

"My creativity yearning to get out as it presses against my fingertips and forehead. Wanting to draw, wanting to paint, wanting to play. Wanting to create the beauty that I can so easily picture, but cannot ever put to form. Sometimes it feels like succeeding at this would destroy me, because it would leave a hollow in my soul. If I could create perfection, I would be doomed to spend the rest of my days staring into it; trying to reclaim it as my own, and refill the void. I would etch out an existence a slave to my own being of creation. If I could be away from it all I would. If only I could escape like they do in books and movies. Never to be truly heard of again from the words “and he lived happily ever after”. To vanish to some unseen paradise to spend eternity trying to give this beauty a form, nameless and shapeless as it is - beyond words. Through music I can just touch it; so perhaps it is beyond a physical form. I would spend the rest of my days in happy insanity trying to manifest this, if the harsh realities of life didn’t weigh me down. A job, a home, a car. Such a cliché. How I despise money, but it is so essential to our being that we cannot remove it, like a cancer of the brain, so deep that no one dares remove because doing so would more than likely be the end. So we leave it there, and it grows, eventually destroying us either way. All hail the almighty dollar: melanoma of the world. But without it, I could not give life to my fancies. My creative thoughts remain forever trapped in the cell, peering out from behind my eyes. It will always be in my mind, but too many people have lost themselves trying to draw it out. Doomed to search in circles. Perhaps perfection comes from the realisation that it does not exist. But I’m so sure it does. Somewhere, like a tiny diamond buried deep in a mountain of charcoal, waiting to be discovered. Just out of reach, but always there. I can’t ever imagine myself in a desk job from here on out. I need to be out creating."

word
stellar lady:: Anonymous 12:32 AM [+] ::
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OM

look for the turning point, for one thats almost physical. see it, and go around the corner.
dont let them structure or affect you; structure yourself.
nirvana is a state of nothingness where you cease to exist and escape sorrow. but what is reality? Plato claims that the highest forms of reality are ideas. the buddhists say that reality is and illusion. would you be happy living there?

look for yourself inside. you cant find that in a mirror. look inside to find something. but, can we every really know who we are? because we thrive on deceiving ourselves. and this is a problem we choose to ignore.

self-fullfillment--> empty yourself in order to fill yourself; completely full.
the coin phrase 'yeah right' is a double negative. think about the irony in that.

the ultimate goal is to gain satisfying knowledge. but will we ever know enough?

in the cd player: no motive; only you
destination for the weekend: madison, wi

unknot the solution and feel everything

those are my random thoughts for the day...back to submersing myself in the contents of my classes...i promise some more entertaining posts next time around...and hopefully my blogmates will drop a line soon...miss you guys...

remember; passive resistence will get you nowhere
stellar lady:: Anonymous 7:17 PM [+] ::
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the wonders of procrastination

ahhh...well its time to get my act together. i've got a lot of shit that needs to get done and i'm going to gather my thoughts, display it in a literary manner, and then make everything happen. so i apologize if i will be out of contact with everyone for the next week. deadlines are coming up and the pressure's on.
it sucks even more when you're feeling highly sensitive; which i am right now. everything seems to be magnified(no thanks to my handy overanaylization skills) and i've come to the conclusion that i'm tired of waiting around. letting go is hard; and holding on is a comfort zone which needs to be broken out of. whats meant to be will be and i need to come understand that things arent necessarily in my control. you can only give so much of yourself to someone...if you dont get anything in return, in the future you will find your time wasted, your soul robbed, and your heart empty. well, on a more cynical note(which isnt necessarily positive if its your everyday outlook; but it can definitely be necessary at certain points) i must say that yeah it hurts; but lets review...it gets old; and most importantly; it goes away.

well, i'm goin to recap this weekend...
1. karma is a very good thing. never forget this. and karma goes hand in hand with 'things happen for a reason'. everything comes full cirlcle.
2. do not mix hard liquor with beer. its bad, very very bad. you will end up running out of a house in mid-conversation to relieve the contents of your stomach in the bushes.
3. mcdonalds breakfast can cure a hangover; in 10 minutes tops
4. burt's beeswax is the best lip balm in the world.
5. although you may believe that you are superman while you're drunk; let me assure you, you're not.
6. jumping off high cliffs into merely a few feet of water is probably not your best bet.
7. do not try to row a canoe standing up, especially while intoxicated; this will cause the canoe to tip over, fill with water, soaking not only the contents of the canoe, but yourself as well.
8. while canoing/tubing at Turkey Run State Park in IN...do not attempt to be friendly with other canoers on the river. canoing is a serious businiess and the people there are on a mission.
9. pizza hut is NOT good. its sick. very sickening.
and finally, i'll conclude with a forewarning i received from cori...
10. wine makes you easy. so dont drink it.

well everyone, i must leave it at that. time to get a crackin...

currently listening to: my thoughts

it hurts doesn't it? the thought of all you can't have anymore.

stellar lady:: Anonymous 11:03 PM [+] ::
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the importance of poetry
some believe it is a necessity for living....the written word of poetry. the ability to connect to another human's soul is an unexplainable phenomenon. to have words filled with such raw emotion roll off the tongue of its creator only to realize you felt the same way is a gift to humankind. my dad caught me off guard yesterday when he told me a poem in arabic, one of many he has memorized, and although i don't know the language well, i could tell how important it was to him. anyone who knows about translating languages, understands how difficult it is to translate literary work without losing it's meaning....but one line that stuck out to me was "the one who rides the ocean should not be afraid of drowning"...
here's another short poem....i won't make this a habit for various reasons....stupid thieves...
~untitled~
lost in sweet selfishness
a bitter aftertaste i'm warned of
carelessly indulging in an unfamiliar temptation
thick vulnerability
in my chest
giving into a battle already lost
defeated in one simple blow
my heart the open target
you win.
-copyright of nadia sulayman

stellar lady:: naughti 7:28 PM [+] ::
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Quality

it is always implied that it will be read; you are invited to read and you are conditioned to interpret in a certain way. you with your individual experiences try to line it up and have it make sense. but it doesnt always come together nice and neat. what is the ideal? why does it last so terrible, never wearing out? with time, the world seems smaller and the ideal becomes more seemingly unattainalbe...but it is only a game that fools try to play. never let that mindset rule your life.

its about the quality of life. keep a positive perspective; even though the quality for society has lessened. consumerism has its grip over western culture. the shoes on your feet are not of quality. but its no problem, you can always buy more, right? you can always purchase another pair made by child laborers in southeast asia. buy more to replace; it is the art of repetitive buying that we have become accustomed to. sometimes i forget how sickening it is. technology seems to be everything in our world, but across the ocean, its destroying lives.

find your journey. understand what your're running away from and know where you're running to. though the suspense at times is torture, dont let that kill your future or kill your journey before you've even started it. do not choose to look back. do not freeze yourself in time. choose to go forward.

yeah, consider that.
stellar lady:: Anonymous 9:49 AM [+] ::
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TAKING BACK SUNDAY
SEPTEMBER
20 Chicago, IL @ METRO w/ Midtown, Recover

who's game?
stellar lady:: Anonymous 12:50 PM [+] ::
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at times i have to inlict a self-test to see how i stand on certain issues...the great cliche, which i always thought to be true...'out of sight out of mind' ...hasn't worked for me. i need to find something solid, something realistic in my life....yet all i can do is revert back to an unattainable dream...

stellar lady:: naughti 12:30 PM [+] ::
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Movie to see for possible spiritual epiphany: Dogma
stellar lady:: Anonymous 7:36 PM [+] ::
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Help Wanted

Movie Recommended to us(though we're not sure if we would recommend it to you): Mullholland Dr.
alright, it happened again. me, nat, and nik got suckered into watching yet another movie, which we have no idea what the point was. and we do have a unique knack for overanaylization so we usually dont have any trouble with strange movies but has the screen rolled into credits...we all let out a mutual "HELL NO". and the woman who recommended the movie left for vacation yesterday and will not be back for 3 weeks...so someone, anyone with information leading to the point, moral, or who can clear up any part of the movie...please email one of us.... most importantly, you must be able to answer one if not all of the following:

1. who was what character?
was rita really camilla? was camilla the movie star in the picture, or could that be betty who was really diane, who was the waitress, who was also the white trashy girl...(i could go on but i'll stop.)
2. what was the directional time flow of the movie?
are we moving forwards, backwards, are we switching it up halfway through the movie...what the fuck.
3. how the hell are all the characters related?
ok, how is the guy at the beginning who had a dream about winkies related to the fuckin scary ass demon behind the restaurant who is somehow related to rita who has lost her memory b/c of the car crash and betty who is livin in her aunts posh hollywood apartment aspiring to be an actress who has some scary woman coming to her door tellin her there is trouble, and rita and betty are also camilla and diane, who are related to the director, who picked this one actress because some guy who doesnt like expresso was takin all his money, and the only reason he picked the actress was because the cowboy told him to do so...and the cowboy was at the party...ok, are you getting my drift?
4. what are the points of some scenes?
such as the guy at the beginning who had the dream...the point of the car crash...how did the director know betty(not diane)...what was the point of the opera lady singin in spanish and fainting?...what was the point of the blue box...and what does Mullholland Dr. have to do with anything?
finally....and/or
5. what the hell happened?????
no one needs to worry...i have not given away any information which will ruin the movie...because nothing was accomplished during the 147 minute duration ...as you read these separate incidents and feel very removed...thats exactly how we ended the movie...we felt unresolved, coming to understand that maybe there isnt a point to anything...but if you can cast light upon this newly found gray viewpoint...please enlighten us...it would be greatly appreciated.

stellar lady:: Anonymous 12:30 PM [+] ::
...