:: Idle Neurosis ::

:: Thursday, July 25, 2002 ::

its shitty how things happen sometimes.

i talked to cristine, my friend from second grade, tonight who unfortunately relayed the message to me that she will not be moving to the city and attending Harrington Institute, an interior design school. her mother is refusing to co-sign for the loan, which is cristine's only method of paying for school. and i am beyond frustrated for her. she is creative genious at its best, and has finally got her shit together and is deciding to pursue her dreams. but her parents are stopping her. her mom wont co-sign and her dad wont give her a penny. its fucked up to me. i guess i am one of the lucky ones who has parents that are supportive to no end(most of the time). but thats something else to think about....

i understand her parents are divorced and money is tight with her mom....and her dad, well, he's just tight. it killed me to hear her say, "i guess i'm just one of those kids who cant afford to go to school. things just dont work out for people like me." thats horse shit to me. her original plan was to quit her job(which she did prior, for the corporation known as Dominicks is full of people who can, by definition, be described as self-rightous assholes), sell her car and move to the city. she was going to live in an apartment(which the cost would be included in the loan), go to school full time, and get a part time job. but she's got to throw it all away.
now, she would have to go to school part time(her mom is willing to co-sign for a small loan) and commute, which by the grace of god she did not want to do, for admirably, she doesnt put up with people's stupidity and you encounter that when you commute. she would need to get a new job, but since she quit dominicks, she wont be making enough to afford her car payment and car insurance. and i think if she spends any more time living in her house, something/someone is going to endure her wrath. she needs to be on her own. she's been held back too long.

after hearing her anecdote, my mind went into high gear frantically searching for some type of solution so she wouldnt have to give up on her dreams. i came up with cristine moving to the city, the rent of the apartment coming along with the price of the loan, going to school part time instead of full, and getting a new job with as many hours as possible. itll be more than the few thousand her mom is willing to co-sign for, but its not as much and the 24,000 it would be for her original plan. i am currently awaiting her phone call, for when i hung up with her, she was going to present this idea to her mother. the idea seems so logical now that i look back on it. but we'll see how logical it is to her mother. i'll keep ya updated, i have a good feeling about this. look out world. cristine is on her way.

sometimes i find myself thinking, god, who's reading our posts. and what are they going to think about what we write? i then catch myself about to censor what i'm going to post or not post at all. two seconds later, i realize that i dont give a shit. fuck all the whatnot about other people. lifes too short. what we write here is real. this is us. (tho me and nadia have an affinity for our blogger, nikki is slow to find the attraction....but i know she's a busy lady so i'll let that slide...evidence of her addiction will be prominent soon). so if you dont like it, refer to our comments&suggestions link. enough said.

speaking of addiction. webster defines it as: compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal. i have never admitted to myself that i was addicted to ciggarettes. i thought i could stop anytime. (i did for 15 days, which included my trip to the carribbean). but today, after i stopped home to get magazines for my treacherous boring evening at the blue dahlia i knew in my head i had to get smokes for the afternoon. i think my addiction to smoking has much to do with my tendencies to overanaylize and my inability to stay focused for longer than two minutes on the situation at hand. Cleveland has diagnosed me with ADD. why my mother fails to acknowledge the symptoms is beyond me.

so i want to quit. i think...i know how awful it is for me. how i wish i never started. i dont want this to be in control of my life, pissing my money down the drain. but nadia and nikki are going to help. hopefully i'll be able to help myself.

wow, this was a long post. atleast my longest yet. guess i had a lot of shit on my mind...who knows, i'm sure the posts will get even longer...i promise i'll try to have some more positive anecdotes next time...i'm hoping everything will happen for the best with cristine....god knows she deserves all the happiness in the world...fate took her so far and now she's trying to make it happen. but then again, fate is just another four lettered word.

tunes: irish car bomb by hot rod circuit

he said: 'breathe in, exhale, you know you taste like cancer'
and what am i doing?
going out for a smoke, asshole.

stellar lady:: Anonymous 11:48 PM [+] ::
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